A few nights ago, as I lay in bed, waiting to fall asleep, I was hit by the vision of the building around me crumbling down. No matter what I tried to do, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The ground beneath me was so unstable. Everything was unstable. It felt as if I might be waiting for the ground to fall forever.

Perhaps this was a result of the movie I’d watched earlier with my sister, The Boy and the Heron (Miyazaki 2023), which involved collapsing buildings and worlds. Perhaps it was a result of being in my thoughts for too long, feeling hopeless as I lay sleepless. Perhaps it was just a run-of-the-mill intrusive thought. But I couldn’t shake it. 

As I normally do when I can’t get a thought from my head, I wrote it down. My late-night brain summarized my whirl of thoughts as simply “the misfortune that could be.” I spent a lot of that night and the next morning thinking about “the misfortune that could be.” The truth is, this building I’m in could come down at any moment. It’s just not very likely. But if you try telling that to an anxiety-filled mind, it’s not the comforting thought it should be. 

You might be wondering why I decided to end the year on such a downer note. Well, the truth is, I don’t have a lot of hope for 2025, for many reasons with which I’m sure you’re familiar. But I’m trying to focus less on “the misfortune that could be.” I’m not even going to focus on “the fortune that could be,” because it can be frustrating when it’s hard to see that fortune ever coming true. 

Instead, I’m just going to focus on moments. Do I feel good in this moment? Yes? That’s good enough. 

I just finished the book Welcome to the Hyunam-dong Bookshop by Hwang Bo-Reum and translated by Shanna Tan. (Thanks for the awesome Secret Santa gift, Dad!) A lot of this book involves the characters wondering what success really means—to them, to society, to the people around them—and which definition really matters. 

Toward the end of the book, there’s the quote, “A day well spent is a life well lived.” While it’s a bit simple, this idea was just what I needed to hear. Even if it’s a mantra that can only be sustained for a little while, and probably not even every day, it’s something I’m going to try to keep in mind. 

The problem here is that I tend to get hung up on words. What constitutes “a day well spent”? Daily happiness seems like too big of a reach. Is it just a day that I’m not sad? Well, I can’t control that. Is it a day that I did something I enjoy? Some days nothing is enjoyable. Though those days are less often now, they still happen. 

As I continue to make my apartment in this potentially unstable building a home, I will ponder what makes “a day well spent.” Maybe, it’s just that the world around me didn’t crumble. There’s some hope in that, right? Even after my brain conjured that horrible image, the world has continued to hold up under my feet. 

I hope that you can have days well spent in 2025, no matter what is troubling you. 

-Ryn PB