In early 2021, when half the world was still taking COVID-19 seriously and the other half were pretending it never happened and wasn’t happening, I started listening to One Direction. And 5 Seconds of Summer. And eventually BTS. My mind wanted something fun and simple and easy to consume: the pop/rock boy band.
At this point, along with the pandemic still taking a toll, my life was in a period of extra upheaval, and I figured out a fun way to (not) deal with it was to review the solo and side projects of current and former boy band members. I would get a little tipsier than usual, open up Spotify and Genius lyrics, and start live-tweeting my reactions. Lately, I’ve been missing doing these little one-person listening parties, but not enough to get a new Twitter account (er, X account, I guess).
And here we are. I’ve retrieved my Boy Band Music Critic hat from the back of my closet. Before I can wear it again, however, I need to readjust it to make sure it fits. So before this year is over, I’ll be going over my old tweets and consolidating them here so I don’t have to do repeat reviews.
In this post, I’ll be tackling the rest of the boy band solo projects that I reviewed on Twitter, song by song. So buckle up, it’s gonna be a long trip through the (mostly) unedited thoughts of 2022 Ryn.
Agust D by Agust D (reviewed September 5, 2022)
I was going to try to finish the 5SOS solo projects first, but I’m fully in my K-pop era, so I’m going to listen to BTS Suga’s first solo album as Agust D. Gonna listen and read a translation at the same time. Let’s do it! I’m going to use translations from doolset lyrics, as they’re the best ones I’ve found so far!
“Intro: DT sugA (Feat. DJ Friz)”: Omg, this got me HYPED. I can see why this is first! It’s kinda like how AJR do their “Overture” tracks that sample songs from the album and make an exciting mashup.
“Agust D”: There’s something next level about someone spelling their name and then basically saying, “you should be glad I’m in the K-pop industry because I’m a better rapper than you.” DAMN. And the mocking “I’m sorry” before describing how cool he is: NEXT LEVEL. SAVAGE. I LOVE IT. A note from 2023 Ryn here: This song samples “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” by James Brown.
“give it to me”: Okay, this is the badass “I worked hard for my success, fuck the haters” song I needed right now. “아직은 성공의 비법은 몰라도 망하는 비법 잘 알 것 같어.” (“Though I don’t know the recipe of success yet, I feel like I know the recipe of failure well.”)
Suga’s fight for his dreams is super inspirational. Sometimes it feels like the world doesn’t work the way I’d like it to, and seeing people like Suga succeed helps me see that there’s always a path I can carve for myself.
“skit”: I don’t have much to say about the “Skit” but that I love a good sibling relationship. I’m not a huge fan of the whole “skit” thing in mixtapes, but people must like them because they pop up in a lot of rap albums. Also in a few BTS albums, which makes a lot of sense when you consider the first three members to join are all rappers.
“724148”: “724148” tells the story of Suga’s foray into the music world and moving to Seoul as a kid from Daegu without much money. Suga’s story of giving up a lot—comforts, family support, etc.—and seeing the injustice of the world while trying to reach his dream = inspiring.
“140503 새벽에 (At Dawn)”: Omg, the various “uuuugggghhhh” noises are already the most relatable thing I’ve ever heard in an album.
OOF so many of these lyrics hit me hard. Basically he’s describing his social anxiety and how he hides behind a wall, pushing people away, pretending everything’s fine even though he wants connection. The anxiety noises at the beginning of the track make more sense now that I know the lyrics. Admitting that you feel lonely, despite acting strong and pretending you need no one, is hard. Anyone would hesitate. Loneliness when you feel like you shouldn’t be lonely is tough. #relatable
“마지막 (The Last)”: Creepy breathing and noises from the start: let’s get into our emotions!
WOW this song touches on so many of the dark thoughts I’ve had (and still sometimes have, tbh) that I’m almost crying… This is the kind of sentiment I hope I can say one day: That the suffering was bad and maybe not necessary and maybe not worth it, but I survived. Here I am, living a dream, because I persevered. I tried to give up, life didn’t let me, so here I am, making the best of it. Trying hard. Damn, 2022 Ryn… That’s kinda dark and hopeful at the same time.
“Tony Montana (Feat. Yankie)”: So… I’ve never seen Scarface and had to look up who Tony Montana is. Apparently he’s an Al Capone-inspired character played by Al Pacino. The “say hello to my little friend” guy. Alright, let’s get into the song.
Again, I have concluded that Suga is a BADASS. Admitting that he feels like he’s succeeded but sometimes also like he stepped on some toes to get there. Hopes that his dreams aren’t at the detriment of others. A “fuck the haters, but I’m not the only one who can/should succeed.” There’s also a version of this song with Jimin of BTS.
“Interlude: Dream, Reality”: Okay, piano. We love a dramatic piano moment. An intense piano/choir ballad moment just saying “dream” is extremely powerful and I don’t know how to explain why.
“so far away (Feat. SURAN)”: OOOOOFFFFFF. It’s hard for me to comment on this song without revealing too much of my inner life. Let’s just say that a lot of this song resonates with me.
It’s a somewhat hopeless-sounding song that really tells the listener to dream, hope for more. Life is hard, especially when you live with mental illness and/or other obstacles, but you’re allowed to hope for more. You should hope for more. Even if it seems far-fetched, there’s still hope.
Final Thoughts: I’ve concluded that Suga a.k.a. Agust D has a “fuck you, but I’m actually vulnerable” vibe. He embodies the idea that trying hard and chasing your dreams isn’t all roses and daisies. It can be rough, disheartening, soul-sucking. But worth it if you succeed.
A++ for the Agust D mixtape. Rap music is something that either hits me hard or completely misses, and almost this entire mixtape penetrated my soul. Weird way to put it, 2022 Ryn, but true, I guess. The fact that it could do this even in a language I’m not fluent in is amazing.
This whole mixtape gives me that feeling of relating to the artist while also feeling inspired by him, which is really all you can ask for from media you consume. Anyway, I’m done stanning Agust D for now. Who knew I could ever be so into rap in a language I don’t know (yet)? I know a little more now, but still not much.
Bonus Thought: Not to spoil whenever I listen to RM’s solo stuff, but YouTube just auto-played “forever rain” and it’s making me cry. Can’t tell if I’m emotional today or the BTS rappers make great music or both but my emotions are out of control right now. Why is music so freakin’ powerful?
“Bigger Than Me” by Louis Tomlinson (reviewed September 8, 2022)
This is a song from Tomlinson’s album Faith In The Future. Tomlinson released it as a single, and I deleted Twitter before the whole album came out, so this is the only song I reviewed from it.
“Bigger Than Me”: Ooh, this is a stadium song. I can see this being performed in front of a crowd of people waving their phone lights. If this is what the whole album is like, it’s going to be an introspective journey of maturing. This song has epic ballad vibes, and it seems to be about change: that changing doesn’t mean you lied, and that you need to adapt to the world in your own way to survive.
“Bigger Than Me” feels like a natural sequel to the album Walls, especially songs like “Fearless” and “Defenceless.” I can see that it’s a similar message but broader scope, an exploration of the self in the context of the world around that self. Excited for more!
Conclusion
Well, that does it for pre-2023 Ryn! I’ve finally adjusted my Boy Band Music Critic hat to the perfect size and can start reviewing some more music. This new era of Boy Band Music Critiques will be just as casual as this old one, but hopefully better researched. I’m also hoping to get into some 1990s and early 2000s boy band solo projects rather than just the more current ones. There’s so much more boy band fun out there to be had!
In early 2021, when half the world was still taking COVID-19 seriously and the other half were pretending it never happened and wasn’t happening, I started listening to One Direction. And 5 Seconds of Summer. And eventually BTS. My mind wanted something fun and simple and easy to consume: the pop/rock boy band.
At this point, along with the pandemic still taking a toll, my life was in a period of extra upheaval, and I figured out a fun way to (not) deal with it was to review the solo and side projects of current and former boy band members. I would get a little tipsier than usual, open up Spotify and Genius lyrics, and start live-tweeting my reactions. Lately, I’ve been missing doing these little one-person listening parties, but not enough to get a new Twitter account (er, X account, I guess).
And here we are. I’ve retrieved my Boy Band Music Critic hat from the back of my closet. Before I can wear it again, however, I need to readjust it to make sure it fits. So before this year is over, I’ll be going over my old tweets and consolidating them here so I don’t have to do repeat reviews.
In this post, I’ll be tackling the first few boy band solo projects I reviewed last year, song by song. So buckle up, it’s gonna be a long trip through the (mostly) unedited thoughts of 2022 Ryn.
Nobody Is Listening by ZAYN (reviewed January 16, 2022)
“Calamity”: Um I didn’t expect to start this with an existential crisis… “Calamity” is like spoken word, lobby music, and melancholy wrapped up into one song. I’m feeling things already, damn…
“Better”: I’m loving the simple background music in these first couple songs. It lets me focus on the lyrics more easily. “Better” has the same R&B vibe as that song “Leave the Door Open” by Silk Sonic. Also, I can’t say I’ve heard an OJ Simpson reference in a song before.
“Outside”: The first few seconds of “Outside” made me think of an old school Jesse McCartney song and then Zayn hit those high notes in the chorus and blew Jesse McCartney out of the water.
“Hope it hurts when you think about it” is a very “Gives You Hell” line. And the slightly altered meaning of that last chorus is sublime. (“The T-shirt that you’re wearing, that’s my favorite / Damn, I really thought that we would make it.” 😭)
“Vibez”: I don’t know why, but the line “Baby, this is far from mediocre” is hilarious to me. It’s just the mildest pillow talk ever: I’m so pumped to have sex. It’s gonna be not meh. “Vibez” is very vibey. Finally, pre-2023 Ryn wasn’t the one to bring up vibes!
“When Love’s Around (feat. Syd)”: The line “You could see it in my aura” is actually pretty clever. If your aura has changed, that means some integral part of you has changed, which means the love in this song must be pretty deep. This is just a chill love song.
“Connexion”: Ooh, we’ve got some acoustic guitar going! And now we’re snapping… Let’s gooo! Okay, now the chorus sounds like it’s coming through a megaphone. This, dear reader, is 2022 Ryn’s stream of consciousness while listening to the song. It’s a nice message (dive right in so you don’t miss out) but all I can think is that it’s a more sophisticated version of “Sexting” by Bo Burnham.
“Sweat”: Gee, I wonder what “Sweat” will be about… It is nice that ZM makes a point to mention that he wants his partner to enjoy the experience. Like, he says that he’s enjoying himself, but the other person’s pleasure seems to be the main focus. Honestly, it’s still hard to find songs that mention consent, let alone pleasuring your partner. Though there are definitely more out there than there used to be. Tune in for my future Jung Kook review for some recommendations.
“Unfuckwitable”: “Me is all I need to be inspired / My vibe and my life are all my design / Your sentiment’s irrelevant / ‘Cause I get down and up again.” We love a confident and self-sufficient king. And we still do!
“Windowsill (feat. Devlin)”: Oh, geez, we’re really just jumping right into the next song. “Windowsill” doesn’t beat around the bush at all. When he started talking about having sex on the windowsill, my first thought was to wonder if they closed the blinds first. Can you tell I’m on the ace spectrum?
“Tightrope”: Awww, “Tightrope” is really sweet. I think. I mean, the whole idea that this person made him want to take the risk of loving someone again is a nice sentiment. Man, I wish I were bilingual… Gotta open my Duolingo app again. I gave up on French, but I’m still casually trying to learn Korean and relearn my forgotten Spanish. Stress on the word “casually.”
“River Road”: Mr. Malik, why did you bookend this album with existential crises? I mean, I wasn’t expecting this level of angst. The repetition of “Don’t you ever hope for something else?” really hits.
Like “Calamity”, “River Road” feels like a poem put to music. It’s got the “I wonder what’s next for me after this disappointment/failure/sadness” theme and references the four seasons, but it somehow doesn’t seem cliche at all. Now I have feelings today. UGH. I did this to myself… Man, music really brings out pre-2023 Ryn’s feelings, doesn’t it? And to be honest, 2023 Ryn has the same problem.
Final Thoughts: Well, that was fun? Maybe fun is the wrong word because “Nobody Is Listening” definitely has that pandemic/quarantine album vibe to it. I really enjoyed the music. I don’t usually like R&B all that much, but this entire album slaps. I think my favorite was the first song. I concur with 2022 Ryn. This album is really good, but R&B usually doesn’t float my boat.
Superbloom and “Heart-Shaped Box” Cover by Ashton Irwin (reviewed April 23, 2022)
My next task will be to listen to Ashton Irwin’s (of 5 Seconds of Summer) solo music. I remember his song “Skinny Skinny” but that’s about it. Oh, and his cover of “Heart-Shaped Box”! I’ve heard that one, too. I’m starting with his 2020 album Superbloom. Let’s do dis!
“SCAR”: “SCAR” starts off like a rock opera and then transitions into something like a more polished Nirvana song. Ugh, I love a sibling shoutout in media! Referring to references to his younger sister Lauren in the lyrics. And also I’m never mad at a “keep holding on” song that’s more realistic than idealistic.
“Have U Found What Ur Looking For?”: “Everest is the bathroom at the top of the goddamn stairs.” Also “headaches beat me down to a lifeless stare” gives “Migraine” by twenty one pilots vibes. It’s song #2 and I’m starting to see that Mr. Irwin is writing about mental health/illness and it’s putting me in my feels. Especially with talk about substance misuse issues and Christian allusions and identity crises all in one song… yikes. Too close to home, my man!
“Won’t someone tell me who I am?” OOF. Oof is right, 2022 Ryn. Identity crises never end; they just morph.
“Skinny Skinny”: This is the one I’ve heard before. From what I understand, it’s about his eating disorder. And for every millennial/Gen Zer with a *complicated* relationship with food, it’s super relatable. Maybe not all the details, but the general vibe of the song: “My second face, my own reflection … We always meet without permission / You tear me up all of the time.”
The fact that this song is so simple with guitar and vocals for most of the time and then moves into more distorted sounds is a prime example of medium fitting the message. Thank you, Digital Humanities classes, for giving me a deeper understanding of art and artistic forms!
“Greyhound”: Is this gonna be about buses? Weirdly enough, I usually find bus travel stories super interesting, so I’m ready for this!
More distorted guitar here… turn up that gain, king! “I’m not bitter and broken / I’m just torn up inside” is a great lyric. Although, he does rhyme “inside” with “inside” in the next line, which I don’t love, but it’s still good. Yessss, bring in those synths! Also this song is definitely about dogs and not buses… oops… First of all, I’m surprised 2022 Ryn’s brain skipped dogs and went straight to buses. Second, this is another example of a stream of consciousness tweet. The more I enjoy music, the more I have to say, and the less polish I have while saying it.
I kinda wish this album had sparked a 2020 grunge revolution because I’m fully enjoying myself. This album is awesome so far!
“Matter of Time (Interlude)”: Okay, alright, I’m down with a slow and soft interlude. “Dive into the ocean and you’ll never drown.” This moment of hope in the middle of an album about mental illness feels really poignant.
“Sunshine”: Alright, how is this gonna compare to Liam Payne’s song of the same name? Oh, dang, completely different vibes… This is not a happy-go-lucky song, but rather a hopeful and melancholy song about the possibility of countless new beginnings. I was just a little thrown by an Australian person making a Fort Knox reference…
“Playin’ but not on the team” is a MOOD. You can tell I’m really enjoying and/or vibing with music when all I can talk about are the lyrics and my emotions… There were violins in the last song and I fully didn’t register that fact until it ended. If it were a trumpet, on the other hand, I would have noticed immediately. Not sure why, but trumpets always jump out at me. AJR, twenty one pilots, etc.
“The Sweetness”: Ooh, what an interesting guitar riff at the beginning! I’m feeling some harder rock here! A song about longing for the simplicity of childhood? Yes, please. The same song talking about second chances and regrets and coping mechanisms that aren’t always great? *Melts.*
“Think for a while / Are you still sane?” I still think this line can stand on its own.
This part of the song sounds like a demon repeating the lyrics… and then right after there’s a line with barely any distortion on the vocals. I think I love this song? Still a great song, even if I don’t listen to it that often because feelings are still hard.
“I’m to Blame”: DRUMS DRUMS DRUMS EERIE PIANO ACOUSTIC GUITAR. Aaannndd this is the purest stream of consciousness captured in all of these tweets. Please enjoy the unedited version of my initial thoughts of this song.
“I’m to blame / I showed you the light.” I like how this song takes a negative phrase (blaming someone) and makes it a positive. As much as I love these songs, AI has a tendency to rhyme a word with that word (e.g., “pain” rhyming with “pain”). It doesn’t take too much away from my enjoyment, but it is something to note.
“Drive”: This is a really sweet song about being there for someone in a time of grief even if you don’t have all the answers. Sometimes you just need to be with them. I always want my loved ones to know I’m there for them even if I don’t know how to help them all the time.
“The future’s not so clear, I’ll help you see / There’s so much more to life than you and me.” Yet he goes on to say that it’s okay if today is just the two of us. Sometimes we can’t handle it all, and that’s okay; that doesn’t mean this is the only thing you have going for you.
“Perfect Lie”: Ooh creepy… This has an eerie vibe. Yes, the future IS scary, Mr. Irwin. And yes, EVERYONE has a struggle, whether they admit it or not. There’s a light and dark side to everything. Also, I love how techno this song is. It’s like a mix between ’80s techno and ’90s techno.
“Strange brain, take a look at my cage.” I almost feel like Bo Burnham could have written the lyrics to this song. It’s very on brand for him with the idea that even famous people have struggles. Everyone is human; no one knows what they’re doing; no one is always okay all of the time; we all fake it sometimes. I’ve since realized that I’m just super interested in parasocial relationships, which is probably why I like Bo Burnham, AJR, BTS, Alice Oseman’s books, Taylor Jenkins Reid’s books, etc. The eerie vibes of this song fit the lyrics super well.
“Heart-Shaped Box” Cover: So I kept thinking that a lot of AI’s songs sounded like they were similar to Nirvana’s vibe, and he has a version of “Heart-Shaped Box” on Spotify! So let’s give it a listen, shall we?
Ashton Irwin doesn’t have the same grit to his voice as Kurt Cobain, but his voice fits this cover really well. He puts an eerie spin on the song and uses his falsetto really well with the “hey, wait” moments. Also, I never really paid attention to the lyrics to this song (because I couldn’t understand them fully) but now that I can make them out, wow… disturbing and very Nirvana.
This is a really good cover. While it’s fairly true to the original, Mr. Irwin does put his own spin on it. He keeps the eerie and existential vibes while adding more fluid vocals.
Final Thoughts: I loved it! It’s a mix of Nirvana, Tears for Fears-style 80s music, and his own brand of melancholy. I wish some of the songs had less editing done to the vocals, and some of the rhymes were repetitive, but this was overall so good. Definitely adding some of these songs to my current on-repeat playlist. I love me a grunge rock existential crisis! And I still do!
Harry’s House by Harry Styles (reviewed May 20, 2022)
A review of Harry Styles’ new music (as of late April 2022) is coming soon! Spoiler: “As It Was” is the ’80s pop song we all wanted from Harry Styles, and his ’70s look from Coachella just added to the timelessness of it. Harry Styles is going through his Beatles and ’80s pop phase at the same time, and I’m loving it. Can’t wait to listen to this album with more than a 1 a.m. brain so I can give my thoughts!
“Music For a Sushi Restaurant”: Let’s start with “Music For a Sushi Restaurant.” (Gosh, now I want sushi…) I feel like HS just wanted to scat and talk about sushi lol.. But I ain’t mad. This is such a joyful and fun song! And, I should add, something that I can imagine hearing at a Westernized sushi restaurant, like Blue Sushi, that serves vegan sushi… which as a vegetarian (by choice) and dairy-free eater (by circumstance), I appreciate!
“Late Night Talking”: “Late Night Talking” is apparently my sister’s favorite so far, so let’s goooo! Mr. Styles is really embodying the word “funk” on these first two songs. My head can’t stop bobbing. This is such a fun/cute song! I want to strut down a sidewalk in cool clothes and sunglasses to this song.
“Grapejuice”: Yesss, Harry, count us off, king! “Grapejuice” just confirms that even Harry Styles has an easier time expressing emotions with wine in his system…
“I pay for it more than I did back then” is such a great lyric. It can mean that he’s older, so his reactions to alcohol are worse. It can also mean that he pays for it more now emotionally, because he’s invested in this relationship. *Genius.*
“As It Was”: A.k.a. the ’80s pop song. “You know it’s not the same as it was” is a lyric we can all relate to after living through these past two years. Nothing will be the same. But even though this song is melancholy, it also reminds us that change can sometimes be good.
“Daylight”: I love that this song subverts the trope that brightness is the good part of the day. Nighttime is when he gets to be with his partner in the most meaningful way, for him. Also, I’d just like to take a moment to appreciate HS’s high notes. I’ve always been a sucker for a good falsetto.
“Little Freak”: Okay, a heartbeat. Oof, now Jezebel on the counter? Isn’t Jezebel a biblical reference? Maybe?
“Little Freak” is nostalgia in a song. But it’s not just general nostalgia; it’s that nostalgia that comes with knowing where someone is now, and still missing and/or regretting the person they were before.
“I’m not worried about where you are / Or who you will go home to / I’m just thinkin’ about you / I disrespected you / Jumped in feet first, and I landed too hard / A broken ankle, karma rules / You never saw my birthmark.” Birthmarks are something very personal to some people; this could mean that this person has never seen all of him, and he often thinks about this person even though he couldn’t open up completely to them.
“Matilda”: Wow… “Matilda” is really profound. It’s a chosen family song in a way I’ve never heard before. It addresses the trauma but also the strength that comes from this person’s past. The idea of throwing a party with “everyone you know” indicates a joy and pride in found family. I think this song will hit home for anyone who had to figure out who they were and deal with the reactions of their family.
This song is special. It’s an acknowledgement of the validity of someone who distances themselves from people they’re expected to love. You’re allowed to take care of yourself even if it doesn’t involve the people who “should” be involved. I don’t talk about this a lot for fear of hurting feelings, but the idea that I can choose who to trust and love has been very important to my development as a person. Granted, I could definitely be more trusting, but at least I have the opportunity to judge for myself.
Wait.. I can’t believe I didn’t talk about Harry’s references to the book Matilda! I haven’t read the Matilda books (I know! I’m a fraud.), but I do know that Matilda is mistreated by the adults in her life, and despite that, she lives by her own rules. Which just makes “Matilda” even better.
“Cinema”: I’ve got the cinema? Haha, 2022 Ryn, you’re so funny. “I just think you’re cool … / Do you think I’m cool too? / Or am I too into you?” We’ve all felt this way, right? (I mean, obvs HS is talking about his current partner, but the general feeling is pretty widespread, yeah?)
Wait, Harry brings the pop to the cinema? This is literally the dream… When will a man buy me some pop at the movies? Honestly, even though this is sarcasm, I’m still waiting for this day!
“Daydreaming”: “Daydreaming” is an absolute bop. I don’t think I’ve come across a song titled “Daydreaming” that I haven’t liked. I love how fun this song is, because it reflects the relationship he’s talking about. It’s fun in a way that’s comfortable. Like, I can bop to this song at home with all of my comforts around me. The relationship can be fun and comfy at the same time.
“Keep Driving”: Not Mr. Styles making me hungry for breakfast food at 9 p.m…
“A small concern with how the engine sounds / We held darkness in withheld clouds / I would ask, ‘Should we just keep driving?'” This, again, is such a relatable and profound moment at the same time. There are problems in the current situation, but we still want to keep going. But also… check the engine, please! No one wants to break down on the side of the road. Risk-taking and caution can coexist in some cases. I’m still searching for the ratio that fits my own life.
“Satellite”: It’s interesting that this song indicates a tendency to talk in circles but also open up when under the influence of drugs/alcohol. “Spinnin’ out, waitin’ for ya to pull me in / I can see you’re lonely down there / Don’t you know that I am right here?” HS is saying that he feels like he’s spinning out of control but waiting for that moment when gravity pulls him toward this person. He’s relying on this.
I’m a sucker for an even slightly astrophysics-related metaphor, but I actually think this has a lot of nuance. He’s “spinnin’ out” (i.e., going crazy) and waiting for this person who shared important moments with him to acknowledge the effect they’ve had on each other’s lives.
“Boyfriends”: I’ll admit that I listened to Harry’s Coachella version of “Boyfriends” before this, but I had no idea that the beginning was a reversed recording of the words “Fool, you’re back at it again.” I don’t talk about this often, but “fool” is one of my favorite words. It’s a label that defies limitations. It can be funny or profound or sad or nefarious. “Boyfriends” has so many layers.
It acknowledges wrongs against the partner of these boyfriends, the mistakes of the narrator who has likely perpetrated similar wrongs, and the ability of the partner to still be open to love and relationships. I only sort of understand the first third of the previous sentence but can’t think of how to reword it without too many edits. Sorry, dear reader, 2022 Ryn’s diction is here to stay. Perhaps because they still have hope; perhaps because being alone is too scary.
This is also the most melancholy and cynical song of the album. It’s the one with the least amount of hope, but not none. It’s important to acknowledge that “perfect” relationships may also have faults or not work out, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t important or special.
“Love Of My Life”: Sorry, the last song is called “Love of My Life”? How is this not gonna break my heart and heal it in the span of about three minutes?
Right off the bat, “Love of My Life” feels cinematic and intense. This song is hard for me to interpret. It’s got some minor chords and acoustic guitar/piano. It seems to be about someone he wants to know but is also a person that was the love of his life, past tense. It’s very sincere and bittersweet, maybe acknowledging that any relationship has to include the past of everyone involved, and all parties may not know everything. Or maybe acknowledging past relationships’ role in making the person HS is now in this current relationship.
This also feels like an admission that he could be trying harder, that he should’ve appreciated what he had before. But this doesn’t mean that he can’t have happiness and love now. I don’t believe that people have one love of their life; perhaps HS doesn’t think so, either.
Final Thoughts: This album is supposed to be his “domestic” album, but I kinda disagree with that label. It’s an honest look at a relationship that could be a long-lasting, substantial one. Both parties have a past. The relationship is complex. But it’s home. 2022 Ryn, this actually sounds like you agree with that label.
Harry Styles has done it again. He’s taken something incredibly personal and made it art. The vibe of this album is unmistakably Harry Styles, but it’s more grounded lyrically than his past music. HS (or at least his music, because Styles often has cowriters for music and lyrics) always makes me think and reflect, which is the sign of great art.
Conclusion
This is the last of the pre-K-pop boy band reviews, because in the few tweets after this review, I talk about watching a BTS livestream, how j-hope can pull off a mullet, and that I had fully joined ARMY (the official name of their fandom). If you think Ryn the Harry Styles fan is wordy, get ready for Ryn the ARMY member. He has a lot to say. But not until my next post!
Happy holidays to alternative music lovers! As much as I enjoy the traditional Christmas carol every now and then, I wanted to compile a list of holiday songs that aren’t the same ones that have been sung and listened to forever. Since I wrote this on a whim, I won’t be writing much besides this intro and the list itself, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless!
Pop/Rock Holiday Songs
“Christmas EveL” by Stray Kids
Best Lyric: “Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad / I can feel the evil coming but Felix, never bad.”
“Joel the Lump of Coal” by The Killers and Jimmy Kimmel
Best Lyric: “’Cause when a person hurts inside / It turns him hard and cruel / But I know how to make your pain / Into a precious jewel.”
“Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses
Best Lyric: “Hardly dashing through the snow / ’Cause I bundled up too tight.”
“The Cowboys’ Christmas Ball” by The Killers
Best Lyric: “The womenfolk looked lovely; the boys looked kinda treed / ’Til the leader got to yellin’, ‘Hey! fellers, let’s stampede!’”
“Christmas Saves the Year” by Twenty One Pilots
Best Lyric: “’Cause everybody wants to make it home / Even if the world is crumbling down.”
“First Christmas (That I Loved You)” by Shameik Moore
Best Lyric: “I didn’t even make a list / I am more than that from your kiss.”
“Christmas Every Day” by Simple Plan
Best Lyric: “School is out, no work today / So in my PJs I will stay.”
“Peppermint Winter” by Owl City
Best Lyric: “My frosty toes / Are gettin’ cold, but I feel alive.”
“Christmas Tree Farm” by Taylor Swift
Best Lyric: “In my heart is a Christmas tree farm / Where the people would come / To dance under sparkles and lights.”
Angsty Holiday Songs
“This Christmas (I’ll Burn It to the Ground)” by Set It Off
Best Lyric: “Up on the housetop, gifts are mine! / Kiss your Christmas tree goodbye!”
“Happy Holidays, You Bastard” by blink-182
Best Lyric: “It’s Labor Day and my grandpa just ate seven fuckin’ hotdogs.”
“Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass” by All Time Low
Best Lyric: “Merry Christmas / Merry Christmas / Merry Christmas / Merry Christmas / Kiss my ass / Kiss his ass / Kiss your ass / Happy Hanukkah.” (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation reference = A+ lyric.)
“Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” by Fall Out Boy
Best Lyric: “The gifts you’re receiving from me will be / One awkward silence and two hopes.”
“Oi to the World” by No Doubt
Best Lyric: “…Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins / And Oi to the world and everybody wins!”
“Christmas on the Road” by Sleeping With Sirens
Best Lyric: “Now, baby, I come home on Christmas morning / Knock on your door, the snow is falling.”
“Xmas Time of the Year” by Green Day
Best Lyric: “The sleigh bells deck the halls with good will.”
“I Won’t Be Home for Christmas” by blink-182
Best Lyric: “It’s Christmas time again / It’s time to be nice to the people you can’t stand all year.”
“Kiss Me at Midnight (New Year’s Eve)” by Pansy Division
Best Lyric: “Well it wasn’t the worst year / But it wasn’t the best / And now that it’s ending / I’m glad to put it to rest.”
“Forgot It Was Christmas” by The Downtown Fiction
Best Lyric: “Well, I came unprepared / But I’ll prove that I care.”
“Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)” by Ramones
Best Lyric: “Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight.”
“Fool’s Holiday” by All Time Low
Best Lyric: “Tie me in ribbons and put me away / Know that I’ll always be yours.”
Funny Holiday Songs
“The Twelve Pains of Christmas” by Bob Rivers
Best Lyric: “Fine, you’re so smart, you rig up the lights!”
“Who Spiked the Eggnog?” by Straight No Chaser
Best Lyric: “Might have been Walt / Could have been Walt / Probably was Walt / Must have been Walt / (Walt, Walt, Walt, Walt!)”
“Hot Chocolate” (from The Polar Express) by Tom Hanks
Best Lyric: “Keep it cookin’ in the pot / Soon, ya got hot choc-o-lat!”
“12 Days of a Pop-Punk Christmas” by Jarrod Alonge
Best Lyric: “On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me … / Two snapback hats, and an unnecessary breakdown (blegh!).”
“The Christmas Can-Can” by Straight No Chaser
Best Lyric: “Heard this same song twenty times / And it’s only Halloween.”
The Santa Trilogy (“Don’t Shoot Me Santa”, “I Feel It in My Bones”, & “Dirt Sledding”) by The Killers and feat. Ryan Pardey & Richard Dreyfuss
Best Lyric: “Oh, Santa / I’ve been killing just for fun. / Well , the party’s over, kid / Because I, because I got a bullet in my gun. / A bullet in your what?”
Other Best Lyric: “There’s something to be said for being present / Not just getting one.”
“Reindeer(s) Are Better Than People” (from Frozen) by Jonathan Groff
Best Lyric: “Don’t let the frostbite bite.”
Holidays can be rough sometimes, but they can also be really fun. Whatever kind of holiday you’re having, I hope you find some music to enjoy on this list!
In early 2021, when half the world was still taking COVID-19 seriously and the other half were pretending it never happened and wasn’t happening, I started listening to One Direction. And 5 Seconds of Summer. And eventually BTS. My mind wanted something fun and simple and easy to consume: the pop/rock boy band.
At this point, along with the pandemic still taking a toll, my life was in a period of extra upheaval, and I figured out a fun way to (not) deal with it was to review the solo and side projects of current and former boy band members. I would get a little tipsier than usual, open up Spotify and Genius lyrics, and start live-tweeting my reactions. Lately, I’ve been missing doing these little one-person listening parties, but not enough to get a new Twitter account (er, X account, I guess).
And here we are. I’ve retrieved my Boy Band Music Critic hat from the back of my closet. Before I can wear it again, however, I need to readjust it to make sure it fits. So before this year is over, I’ll be going over my old tweets and consolidating them here so I don’t have to do repeat reviews.
In this post, I’ll be tackling the rest of the boy band solo projects I reviewed in the summer of 2021, song by song. So buckle up, it’s gonna be a long trip through the (mostly) unedited thoughts of 2021 Ryn.
Mind of Mine by ZAYN (reviewed August 21, 2021)
I’ve got the album Mind of Mine open on Spotify right now, and I’ve gotta say that the random capitalization really reminds me of Margo Roth Spiegelman from Paper Towns (one of my favorite books). All I know about Zayn Malik’s music as of now is the song “PILLOWTALK” and that his sound is a bit R&B. I also saw that he released new music this year, so this is gonna get up. to. date! (As of August 2021.) Let’s goooooo!
“MiNd Of MiNdd (Intro)”: I love a good intro song. If I didn’t have lyrics pulled up, I don’t think I would have a clue what ZM’s saying in “MiNd Of MiNdd (Intro).” The vocals are very ethereal and mixed with R&B instrumental music.
“PILLOWTALK”: It’s the one I know! I forgot how catchy the chorus to “PILLOWTALK” is… I mean, lyrics-wise, it’s obviously about sex and the contradictions of (both physical and emotional) intimacy. I love the phrase, “A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw,” because it just sums up the whole song.
“iT’s YoU”: “iT’s YoU” is very slow. Got a classic R&B beat. And again with the ethereal vocals… They’re so melancholy even without regard to the lyrics. How does he do that? Well, he does it with beautiful high notes and an echo effect. But still, it’s cool!
“BeFour”: Love that “BeFoUr” is the fourth song. This is his “I’m doing my own thing and I’m scared but excited!” song. And honestly, it’s a jam! Love me an “I’m just gonna stay in my lane and do what I enjoy” moment. “Numb on a roof, set it on fire / Just give me proof, I’m living on a wire.” 2021 Ryn is at it again with the whole using phrases as adjectives thing.
“sHe”: Everyone needs a song called “she,” amiright? This one seems like it’s about the unsustainability and loneliness of the manic pixie dream girl persona. Let me just say, “She puts her spirit in a nightcap” is working so much harder than the other lyrics. The layers! The nuance!
“dRuNk”: OKAY, not the smooth transition into the next song! 2023 Ryn here to confirm that this is a compliment. An R&B “love is a drug”/”drunk in love” song right here. I’ve never been in love (romantically), but I understand the emotional vomit that comes with instantly feeling really close to someone. Like, oops, I just poured out all my feelings to this near stranger.
“INTERMISSION: fLoWer”: An intermission??? In Urdu??? Didn’t expect this but I’m enjoying it. “INTERMISSION: fLoWer” is very simple but beautiful. Also, I don’t know how to explain this, but it sounds like an intermission song. I also don’t know what that means, 2021 Ryn.
“rEaR vIeW”: The electronic beat/rhythm in “rEaR vIeW” kinda sounds like a chill version of the electronic beat/rhythm in “The Outside” by twenty one pilots. Oh my god… killin’ me with those minor chords in the bridge. And the lyrics about being a friend first and foremost are deep, man. Apparently 2021 Ryn traveled to the 1980s and stole some slang words.
“wRoNg (feat. Kehlani)”: Omg, Kehlani is featured on this album? Shout out to Mr. Zayn Malik for featuring a queer artist on his debut album! It’s called “wRoNg,” but this collab feels so right! “wRoNg” is definitely a more pop R&B song. The “tick tock” sound in the background makes me feel a little on edge, which is perfect for this song—a little sexy, a little dangerous. Also, Kehlani’s and ZM’s voices blend super well together.
“fOoL fOr YoU”: “fOoL fOr YoU” is coming in as a piano ballad and we all know that means I’m about to feel some emotions. Okay, maybe I’m not emotional, but the minor chords on piano and occasional minor chords in the vocals have got me feeling something.
“fOoL fOr YoU” sounds like it’s from a different album, kind of like a pop ballad, but the lyrics feel like they distinctly fit into this album and its themes of love, lust, and being in not-so-safe, potentially harmful relationships.
“BoRdErSz”: The blunt start-and-stop of every word in the verses of “BoRdErSz” kinda bothers me for some reason. The lyrics are not groundbreaking, but they talk about emotional and physical intimacy being intertwined by using certain phrases like “I wanna see it all” that have double meanings.
Most of the songs so far sound very similar, but they are always subtly different in the vocals or instrumentals so that the album seems cohesive rather than boring.
“tRuTh”: “I won’t point any fingers, I won’t say it was you / I’ll let life take it’s time, and in time, you’ll see the truth.” Just like in “iT’s YoU” (“I won’t cover the scars, I’ll let ’em bleed / So my silence won’t be mistaken for peace”), “tRuTh” makes it clear that ZM wants his partner to do some of the emotional labor instead of having to lay everything out for them.
“lUcOzAdE”: “lUcOzAdE” (which Google tells me is a UK energy drink brand) is kinda techno, which feels fitting for a song named after an energy drink, right? It gets super intense right before the bridge. Dang. And also the internal rhymes in these lyrics are *chef’s kiss.*
I’m trying to figure out if this song is about getting caught up in the excesses of fame and wealth, substance misuse because of an intense mental state, or a topsy-turvy romantic relationship. Maybe all of the above? Either way, it’s much faster than the other songs, and the lyrics are very clever.
“TiO”: Ah, another song about freaky sex and fierce lust. I didn’t know “TiO” stood for “take it off,” alright? Otherwise I would have expected it! No need to get so defensive, 2021 Ryn. (Yes, freaky, because he sings, “You’re a freak like me,” so I’m not shaming. Have whatever kind of consensual sex you want, my dudes.)
“BLUE”: Ooh, an all caps song title for the ballad “BLUE.” It’s got those same themes of intimacy and love, but this song seems more focused on the “devotion” aspect of a relationship, the emotional side. Like, yeah, obvs it’s also about sex, but this is a more intimate-sounding song.
“BRIGHT”: More all caps with “BRIGHT.” It’s kind of futuristic sounding with the techno background music and the autotune. It builds up to a more upbeat tempo in the chorus. Liking this one a lot. The lyrics of “BRIGHT” are really cute, too (about his love for a partner who has helped him through a lot). Plus, the slant rhyme of “kryptonite” and “crib tonight” is genius. I hope ZM’s former lit teachers are proud of him. I still love a good slant rhyme.
“LIKE I WOULD”: I feel like I could hear “LIKE I WOULD” at a club while sitting at the bar watching everyone else jam out. It’s a very “good riddance” song. Like sarcastically wishing someone well while secretly thinking, “Fuck you. It’s your loss for pushing me out of your life.”
“SHE DON’T LOVE ME”: Dang, there’s never any pause between songs. Give me a second to pull up the lyrics, Sir Malik! Oh, I guess my hurry was unneeded. “SHE DON’T LOVE ME” takes a second to get into the lyrics. ZM loves to just vocalize and hit all those high notes at the beginning of a song. And he does hit them, let me tell ya.
It’s kind of hard to make out the lyrics if I don’t read along, but the lines “I think I know she don’t love me / That’s why I fuck around” are worded in such a perfect way to show that sometimes, even when it’s hopeless, there’s still that small hope that maybe you’re wrong.
Final Thoughts: I’ll admit to the fact that R&B isn’t always my jam, so I didn’t absolutely love this album. However, the lyrics are incredibly well-written and there are definitely a few bops. Plus, it’s undeniable that ZM can SING. So objectively good, subjectively not totally for me.
Misc. Singles by or featuring ZAYN (reviewed August 21, 2021)
“Trampoline (with ZAYN)” by SHAED: HOLD UP, I’ve heard this song before! It’s so eerily dreamlike when you actually listen to the lyrics, with the ethereal background vocals and whistling. Also, for whatever it’s worth, the lyric “When I dream of dyin’ / I never feel so loved” has the same vibes as “The dreams in which I’m dying / Are the best I’ve ever had” from “Mad World” by Tears For Fears. 2023 Ryn is still a TFF fan, now and forever.
“A Whole New World” Cover by ZAYN and Zhavia Ward: Now I’m listening to ZM and Zhavia Ward’s version of “A Whole New World” from the end titles of the live-action Aladdin movie. To be honest, I didn’t love that movie, but ZM is crushing these vocals! It’s so cool when artists add their own spin to a song they cover.
“Flames (with ZAYN)” by R3HAB & Jungleboi: “Flames” sounds like it could be an Imagine Dragons song. It’s got that apocalyptic anthem atmosphere to it. And it’s also the first song where ZM is singing about a relationship the other person should run from, rather than one he himself should run from.
Final Thoughts: Well, that was fun! “Flames” is an exciting song, “A Whole New World” is Disney with a ZAYN twist, and “Trampoline” is a song I forgot I already enjoyed. Zayn’s got some solid collabs here.
Misc. Singles by Liam Payne (reviewed August 28, 2021)
“Sunshine”: Well that was delightful… It’s so catchy and wholesome (which makes sense because it was written for a PG movie). The movie is Ron’s Gone Wrong. It really does give off sunny vibes and will probably be stuck in my head for a few hours… but I can’t say I’m too mad about it! This is the only Liam Payne song that I listened to after I reviewed it. I added to a summer playlist that year.
“Naughty List (with Dixie)”: Okay, YouTube sent me to “Naughty List” by LP and Dixie D’Amelio, and it’s kinda cute. I apparently want it to be winter holiday time, because I also just rewatched the movie Let It Snow.
“Change” by Louis Tomlinson (reviewed September 4, 2021)
“Change”: Okay, so I just watched Louis Tomlinson’s livestream concert and he sang a new song, so obviously I have to give my thoughts. But first, those guitarists were having the time of their lives and it was so fun to watch them goof around… Concerts were still rare at this point in the pandemic, so a lot of artists did livestreams. twenty one pilots and AJR did livestream concerts, too. They were fun, but no substitute for actual live music.
LT sang a new song called “Change” and it was definitely a COVID-19 song (there can never be too many). This song is on LT’s 2023 album, so I’ll be reviewing the recorded version later! It was in a minor key for some of it, so of course that made it more emotional. So good, though! I can totally relate to the “everything is different but I’m kinda the same” feeling. Also, now I need to listen to more Kings of Leon because I think I might be missing out based on that cover of “Beautiful War.” I also added “7” by Catfish and the Bottlemen to my playlists. I still listen to it, just because of Tomlinson’s cover!
“Oh, Anna” by Harry Styles (reviewed September 18, 2021)
Okay, time to do the other unreleased live song from Harry Styles, which I’ve seen called “Oh, Anna” or just “Anna.” Here we go!
“Oh, Anna”: Well, that was fun! It’s got upbeat vibes somewhere in between “Treat People with Kindness” and “Canyon Moon.” Thoroughly enjoyed it! I have mixed feelings about songs that are only played live, because they usually end up being some of my favorites, but I can’t listen to them regularly by their very nature. So torn!
Conclusion
That’s it for 2021 Ryn’s boy band music critiques! I’ve got to warn you, though, 2022 Ryn is very wordy and gets into K-pop, which is just a whole new can of worms when it comes to boy bands. It’s more like one of those cans where you open it and fake snakes spring out at you. 2022 Ryn and I will see you in the next post!
-Ryn PB
Another SNL skit for your viewing pleasure, this one involving a brief cameo from the 1D boys.
As he set down the cats’ food bowls, Benji’s phone buzzed insistently in his pocket. His parents had promised to check in when they landed, but they’d only left a few hours ago.
When the phone had been wrestled out of the back pocket of Benji’s skinny jeans, it revealed a much more welcome caller.
“Hey, Benji! How’s it going solo in the house?” Benji’s sister Talia grinned at him from a table outside in an overcast Scotland. She was bundled up in the cold, cheeks pink, scarf up to her chin. A small buzz of satisfaction resulted from the fact that it was colder there.
Benji hadn’t planned it this way, nor did he want to be abandoned on the one “magical” day of the year, but it was still his fault. Christmas wasn’t his favorite holiday, but for every year since he could remember, his sister had insisted on spending Christmas in the family home with or without guests to join them. And he loved his sister, so he followed suit.
Now, his sister had absconded to Scotland for an important archeology dig that would help her achieve a PhD. When his parents mentioned flying there, Benji had protested, citing his sister’s previous insistence on being home for the holidays and the money they would be saving. Why not just pay for her to fly home, rather than pay for three people to fly there?
But during the three months she’d been gone, Benji’s parents had become more detached from him. They’d started talking about things he hadn’t even known they’d been interested in—beer tastings and Eagles concerts and two new kittens. Benji thought his mom hated cats, and now they had two kittens. He didn’t know his parents very well at all anymore. Or maybe he’d forgotten to pay attention as they became new people, because he was too busy becoming his own person.
“Since you don’t want to go to Scotland, we thought it would make sense for you to stay and watch the boys,” his mom had told him.
“It’s only been a few hours,” Benji said, tapping the icon to flip his phone’s camera and show his sister the kittens—Ghost and Nutmeg, gray and brown cats respectively—who were now giving themselves a post-dinner bath. “I haven’t killed the boys yet.”
Talia laughed and awwwed before asking, “So what are your holiday plans? It’s so weird we won’t all be together.”
This comment felt pointed. Before he flipped the phone back to his own face, Benji schooled his expression and sat on the couch. “I’ll probably just spend time here. With a book or something.”
Talia sipped a steaming drink out of a mug and propped her phone up against something. “No, you have to do something fun!”
“Like what?” Benji glanced around the sleek new furniture in the living room, the place that he would be stuck in for twelve days alone. He felt like his childhood home was almost completely foreign. At least his bedroom had been left alone, although that was a room he wished he didn’t recognize. A lot of bad memories in there—lots of good ones, too, but bad memories were always easier to recall.
“I don’t know. Something festive. You could play Christmas music and dance around. Or put little hats on the kittens. Ooh, or bake cookies!”
“I’m sorry, T, you must have confused me with you,” Benji said with an eye roll. When they were little, the siblings would play in the snow and go sledding on the lot across the street. Now, it rarely snowed around Christmas, and a house had been built on that lot. His sister was almost always the instigator of these activities.
Talia just smiled in the face of her brother’s cynicism. “Promise me you’ll do something festive on Christmas.” A gust of wind crackled through the speakers, blowing Talia’s hair across her face.
“I’ll stick a candy cane in a cup of hot chocolate later,” Benji promised. Ghost jumped onto the couch and tentatively stepped on Benji’s leg. Once Ghost determined Benji wasn’t going to push him off, he climbed all the way up onto Benji’s shoulder and curled up on top of the back couch cushion.
With a smile and a nod, Talia accepted this answer. “We’re all gonna call on Christmas Day, okay? I expect hats on cats.”
With an eye roll, Benji exchanged “I love yous” with his sister and hung up the call. Immediately, Ghost jumped down onto Benji’s lap, curled up, and began purring loudly. Nutmeg was in the same loaf position on a chair across the room. With no hope of moving anytime soon, Benji stretched his arm out as far as he could to grab a book from the side table and held it up awkwardly to avoid making Ghost uncomfortable.
That night, after talking with his parents, Benji sprawled upside down on the couch, drunk on his dad’s whiskey and scrolling through the latest dating app he’d downloaded. On in the background was a Hallmark Christmas movie of the big-city-lady-and-small-town-guy variety.
“Well, you have to do something for Christmas,” the small town guy was saying. “You deserve to have a good day.”
“I don’t have anyone to celebrate with this year,” big city lady responded sadly.
Benji made a noise of disgust and did a sort of clumsy acrobatic maneuver to get the remote and switch to a baking channel. Before he could do anything, his phone buzzed.
Ugh, if that was Talia checking in again, Benji was going to ignore it. Wasn’t it the middle of the night in Scotland? She should be asleep.
His body rolled all the way to the floor so he could lie down on his stomach. Ghost, who had been glued to his side all day, followed him to the carpet and settled on his lower back so that Benji couldn’t properly react to the message on his phone. He wanted to jump up and shout.
Hey, cutie 😉 I’m in town for winter break wanna meet up?
Ashton had been Benji’s best friend for the last two years of high school, and Benji had had a crush on him for almost that entire time. But for the first semester of college, they’d barely talked. Neither were fond of phone calls, and even though they were both at school in the same city, the different schools might as well have been across the country from each other.
Throughout their friendship, Benji had never been able to get a good read on Ashton. He talked the same with everyone—a little flirty, a little weird, a lot charming. Everyone liked Ashton, and several of his friends had admitted to having crushes on him. Benji had just been another person drawn in by Ashton’s aura.
Maybe it was the whiskey or the Hallmark movie or the purring cat on his back, but Benji texted back without thinking too hard about it. Just like that, he’d made a coffee date with Ashton the next morning, at which Benji arrived hungover and exhausted. The boys woke him up at 6:30 for food and affection, and falling back asleep on the couch didn’t exactly make up for it.
The heat in Café Aurora smacked him in the face, making his ears hurt so that he placed his hands over his ears while looking around.
“Ben-Ben!” a voice called out. Even if he hadn’t recognized the voice, Benji would have known it was Ashton. Ashton was the only person who called Benji anything other than Benji, the only one brave enough to give him an unapproved nickname. Even when he was in trouble, his mom called him Benji instead of his full name.
Ashton stood up from a table by the window and walked over to hug Benji. Even though they were the same height and the same age, Ashton looked at least three years older than Benji. His dark hair was longer and he’d grown a bit of facial hair. Benji was still stuck with the same facial hair he’d had at twelve, which was to say, not much.
They settled at the table after getting drinks—a black coffee for Ashton and a latte for Benji—but Benji still didn’t know what to say or how to feel about this meeting. All he knew for sure was that Ashton looked great, and Benji felt like shit.
“So tell me, what’ve you been up to?” Ashton asked, sipping his coffee.
“Not much.” Benji poked at the foam in his drink. He knew Ashton was a biomechanics major and in the honors program and part of a rec soccer league. Benji’s first semester of college had been much less eventful. The most exciting thing he’d done was go watch one of his friend’s slam poetry competitions. Snapping wasn’t exactly exciting. “I haven’t picked a major yet, so I’m just doing all of the required classes.”
“Cool, cool.” Ashton watched Benji lick the foam off his finger. “And for the holidays? Any plans?”
“I’m actually cat-sitting for my parents. They’re in Scotland to see my sister.” Benji didn’t want to say that he was alone for the holidays. This sounded more like he was doing his parents a favor rather than the pitiful truth—he’d been too chicken shit to admit he would rather come along than stay behind.
Ashton frowned and leaned forward, tapping his fingers on the table. “You can come over to my family’s house for Christmas if you want. We’re pretty casual.”
Benji stared at Ashton’s watch, the second hand ticking by. “Oh, um, I still have holiday plans. Big plans.” He sipped his latte to hide his face for a moment.
“Really? What are you doing?” Ashton meant this with genuine interest, but it sounded more like a challenge.
With a pounding headache and uneasy stomach only partially caused by last night’s whiskey, Benji couldn’t think his way out of the lie. So he stole his sister’s ideas and passed them off as truth. “Um, a Christmas party. Christmas music, dancing, fun hats—oh! And cookies! Definitely cookies.”
“That sounds great. When is it? I can stop by.”
~ ~ ~
“Talia, I have to throw a Christmas party in two days. I need your help.” Benji didn’t even bother with a hello when his sister picked up the FaceTime call. He was glad Scotland was six hours ahead; his sister had already had a whole morning to wake up.
Talia’s phone was close to her face, but this outburst made her jerk her hand back to give her brother the full brunt of her shock. “What do you mean?”
“I lied to a cute guy and now I have to throw a Christmas party. With hats and cookies and dancing.”
“Hats… and dancing?”
“Yes, yes, hats and dancing. And cookies!” Benji couldn’t breathe. Nutmeg was meowing at him. Ghost was still snuggled up on the couch. The coffee in his system was making everything feel a thousand times more urgent.
“Okay, okay, calm down,” Talia said. A door swung closed and her breath became visible. “Walk me through the situation.” Benji did so and then sat with his leg jiggling up and down while his sister thought. “I’ve got it. Do you remember when we were little and we would have those cookie decorating contests with the whole family?”
“Yes?”
“Well, you should do that.”
“You want me to put together a Christmas cookie contest? How is that better than a party?” This wasn’t the quick solution he was hoping for.
“It’s easy. Go to the store. Use Mom and Dad’s credit card and say you needed groceries. Buy some vanilla icing, food dye, sprinkles, etc. Plus some premade cookie dough. There are cookie cutters in the kitchen for you to use. Dad has that Bluetooth speaker; use that for music. I don’t think anyone will care about hats. What else do you need?”
“People. I need people. I don’t have any friends.” Benji’s leg still didn’t calm down.
Talia shook her head at her little brother’s naivete. He always said he had no friends, but everyone she talked to loved Benji. “Tell your cute guy friend to bring people. Post something online about a contest. Invite people you don’t hate from high school. You can do this.”
Benji took a deep breath. “Okay, you’re right. I can do this.” He paused. “How do you know how to do all this?”
Looking a little ashamed, Talia said, “Remember when you guys went to see Aunt Lu in Kentucky?”
“Yes…?” The lightbulb sparked. “No, you didn’t.”
Talia shrugged, the shame completely supplanted by a smirk. “All I’m saying is, if you need more help, I’ve got experience.”
The rest of that day, Benji tried to become best friends with the Christmas spirit. He bought the meager supplies left at the grocery store, along with Talia’s list. He designed a poster for a cookie contest, which he posted on Instagram for friends to see. In the middle of the night, he woke up and realized he would need some sort of prize for the winner if this was to be a contest. And people would probably expect alcohol. He couldn’t just use all of his parents’ stuff; he would get caught.
With his trusty kitty sidekicks, Benji gave up trying to sleep and went back to work. Editing the poster to tease a prize and adding the letters BYOB. Locating the Bluetooth speaker and playing Christmas music. As soon as the stores opened, buying an Amazon gift card and one of those recipes in a jar.
Because he’d failed to add an RSVP to the invite, Benji had no idea of a headcount. So he cracked a window, cranked up the music, and had a little mini pre-party with the boys while baking and setting up the table. The first batch of cookies were not the shape he wanted. He baked the second batch while snacking on the ugly but still delicious first batch, but they came out burnt. By the third batch, they were recognizable shapes and colors. The house smelled amazing. He let Nutmeg and Ghost have a crumb each before he thought to wonder if cats could eat small bits of human food like dogs could. Whoops.
An hour before the party was going to begin, there was a knock at the door. Both cats froze and stared at the door, but didn’t run away when Benji opened it. The package on the doorstep was addressed to Benji, so he opened it up and immediately burst into laughter. He donned the gift, took a picture, and sent it to his sister.
In the package were a Santa hat and two little Santa-hat-shaped cat toys with little bells on them. After he thanked his sister for her last-minute party gifts, he played a version of fetch with the boys in which he slid the toys down the hardwood hallway floor and the boys sprinted after them. Then Benji would slide in his socks after them and pick up the toys, sending them in the opposite direction.
Soon enough, the doorbell rang again, and Benji slid on over to the door and opened it, heart pounding. He was quickly abandoned by the kittens as three people stepped inside—two high school friends and one of their boyfriends. All three had something in their hands—beer, cookies, potato chips—and hugs to give. They told him Ashton had mentioned the party, so they wanted to stop by and join the fun. Benji’s friends JJ and Kare arrived shortly after, both already tipsy and excited to see Benji even though they were at the same university together.
“Where are the kittens? Didn’t you say your parents got cats?” Kare asked after offloading her coat, scarf, and rum into Benji’s hands. Benji pointed her to his parents’ bedroom, the boys’ favorite hiding spot.
JJ hooked arms with Benji and walked with him to the kitchen. “So… is Ashton here yet? I want to see what he looks like.” Though Benji had been friends with Kare for years, he and JJ had only become friends in college. She’d never met Ashton. “Also, did you really bake cookies?”
Benji hung up Kare’s stuff in the coat closet and put the rum in the kitchen by the paper Santa cups. “I don’t even know if he’s coming. And yes.”
“And these cookies are edible?”
“Look, it was one burned pizza! Everyone makes mistakes,” Benji argued, though he was smiling at the memory. Kare lived off campus, and one night when they were all hanging out, Benji got there early and let himself in to put a frozen pizza in the oven. A forgotten timer and forty minutes later, the pizza was black and Benji was frantically waving a towel in front of the smoke alarm to make it stop beeping.
JJ patted his arm sympathetically. “Okay, Hannah Montana. I’m gonna help Kare corner the kittens.”
Still shaking his head at JJ, Benji poured himself some rum and eggnog. Not really because he liked it, but because he’d heard about the drink in Christmas songs and movies. One sip later and he was convinced everyone was crazy. Then he took another sip and, well, maybe he was crazy, too. Because the drink was starting to taste good.
Soon, the house had a couple dozen people inside. Not a rager, but enough for a cookie contest. JJ and Kare commandeered Benji’s phone and took over DJ duties. They’d already played Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” three times in just one hour. When the fast piano chords began once again, Benji knew he needed to start the contest soon, otherwise the cookie decorations would get stale and gross. More people than expected had brought food along with their alcohol, so there was no danger of a snack shortage, but generally people liked to eat their cookies after the contest. The party was turning out to be more fun and less stressful than expected, especially as he continued to drink his spiked eggnog, but the whole reason he’d thrown it in the first place was for Ashton. The VIP was nowhere to be seen.
So with his heart in his stomach, Benji had JJ and Kare cut the music so he could announce the contest rules. No one was to know what the shape was until the moment it started, so everyone would get a cookie surrounded by two paper plates. There were two decorating stations—the kitchen table and the card table he’d erected in the dining room. Everyone would have the same amount of time, though people could turn their cookies in early if they wanted to. Once these were understood, everyone picked a number out of Benji’s Santa hat so decorations could be judged blind. The judges were the host Benji, the one who barely knew anyone JJ, and the boys. The boys were to pick in the case of a tie. Benji was surprised that both kittens were hanging out in the fray, having been convinced to come out by Kare. Ghost loved any and all attention while Nutmeg stayed on his bed in the corner and surveyed the scene.
For some reason, Benji had expected everyone to scoff at the cookie decorating contest, or to see it as a joke. The group surprised him. Everyone was excited and competitive; there was even some light trash talking going on, mostly instigated by Kare.
The minute hand finally passed the 12 again, and Benji shouted, “Begin!” Everyone lifted the top plate to reveal the shape of their sugar cookie: a house. Some people reached for icing and decorations immediately. Others stared at their cookie and thought for a moment. Benji went to get his phone from JJ, who was still DJing, so he could text his sister. He wanted to have fun, and Talia always knew how to make things better. The cookie contest used to be one of Benji’s favorite holiday traditions. Watching everyone focused on their cookies reminded him of good Christmases when he was younger and family would visit and nothing felt too complicated to handle.
Before he could reach JJ, however, he heard a knock at the door. A knock loud enough to reach him through the music. Benji sighed. Being the host was exhausting.
“Nice hat.” The latecomer reached over and flicked the fluffy white ball on Benji’s Santa hat.
Standing in front of Benji was Ashton, wearing an ugly Christmas sweater Benji could imagine on his elderly high school English teacher. Even on the attractive guy standing in front of him, the sweater was still ugly. “Nice sweater,” Benji responded, grinning at his friend.
“So, I’m sorry I’m late,” Ashton said as the two boys stood awkwardly in the doorway without care for the cold air coming in or the cats that could run out. “I brought presents to make up for it.” Ashton held up a paper bag on two fingers. “Is that okay?”
Benji understood the real question and stepped aside to let Ashton in.
Ashton glanced around the empty living room with a questioning look. “Where is everyone?”
“The cookie decorating contest,” Benji explained, taking the paper bag and the black coat Ashton shrugged off.
“Am I too late to join?” Ashton actually looked a little concerned, like maybe he’d been looking forward to the contest. Or maybe Benji was seeing what he wanted to see.
Instead of acquiescing like he wanted to, Benji decided to keep it fair. He’d already lied for this cute boy once. “You can join, but you still have to finish at the same time as everyone.”
Ashton brushed his hair back and stepped closer. “Fair enough. Why don’t you open the gift?”
Benji shot Ashton a teasing look. “It’ll cut into your decorating time.” But he dug his hand into the tissue paper and came up with what looked like a Ziploc bag of teeny tiny cookies. He lifted them and looked at Ashton, waiting for an explanation.
“For the cats,” Ashton said. “I looked up a recipe for cat treats and made these last night. I was going to make them festive, but…” He shrugged.
The cat treats were quite possibly the cutest thing Ashton could have brought to the party besides himself. Benji had barely mentioned the boys to Ashton, and he’d still gone out of his way to do this. Benji tucked some loose hair back underneath his Santa hat, hiding his smile and pink cheeks. Once he started blushing, Benji couldn’t hide his feelings. “They’re perfect. The boys will love them.” Then he added, “Although, I’ll have to give the treats later. You could be blamed for bribing the judges.”
“There’s something else in there, too,” Ashton said, not too concerned about these accusations.
Setting the cat treats aside, Benji reached into the bag again. His fingers touched something rough, like a blanket, and he wrestled it out of the bag with some difficulty. The gift unfolded as Benji held it up, and for the second time that night, Benji was laughing at a wearable Christmas gift. The front of the sweater showed a 3D black cat head wearing a Santa hat. The back was the cat’s butt and tail. Ashton reached over and squeezed the cat’s nose, releasing a crackly “meow.” Benji laughed again, looking up at the gift giver. “This is perfect. Thanks.” Benji gave Ashton a full hug, glad they were the same height so he didn’t have to go on tiptoes or hunch over.
Afraid that he would say something too sappy, Benji turned to lead Ashton over to the kitchen and gestured toward the remaining cookie plates. “Your blank canvas, sir.”
Ashton smiled and peered at the number labeling the lower plate. “What does this mean?”
“Don’t show me! It’s supposed to be anonymous.” Benji covered his eyes dramatically. When he felt a hand grip his shoulder, he opened his eyes to see Ashton leaning in toward him.
“But you’re the cutest judge. How else will I win favor?” With a wink, Ashton walked over to JJ and introduced himself. Benji watched them chat, both chuckling at something JJ said, until someone called Benji’s name to give him their finished cookie.
Even though Benji was “moderating,” he couldn’t help but hang around by Ashton and watch him decorate his sugar cookie house. Before he could see more than some Christmas-light-shaped sprinkles being meticulously placed on the eaves, JJ dragged him away, reminding him that “this isn’t the Great British Bake-off. You’re not Paul Hollywood.”
“Thank God for that,” Benji replied even as he tried to fight off JJ’s efforts to drag him away. Ashton looked up and caught Benji’s eye, winking as JJ succeeded in removing him from the area.
Once they were both safely behind the kitchen counter, JJ squeezed Benji’s arm, commenting that Ashton was cute, that Benji had good taste, and Benji shushed her. So JJ poured both of them some more rum and eggnog to last until Benji called time and the rest of the cookies were brought up to the counter. While the judging went on, everyone was encouraged to party by Kare and Nutmeg, whom Kare had kidnapped as her buddy for the night.
The cookies were wildly varied. Some were explosions of color, some were decorated like real houses, others looked straight out of a child’s coloring book. Luckily, Benji and JJ agreed on first place and honorable mentions without much argument. Benji suspected she was going to agree with him no matter what, and even though he wanted to be upset with this on principle, he was actually grateful for the quick turnaround. They still fed the boys bits of cookie.
Standing up in front of everyone and fortified by the success of his party, Benji boldly announced the honorable mentions—one decorated like the house out of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, another decorated abstractly and not like a house at all, and another with a Christmas tree iced in front of the house, which ended up being Ashton’s.
“And the winner is… number 12!”
One of the group of three who were first to arrive jumped up and cheered. She hugged Ashton and her friend and boyfriend, before coming up to claim her Amazon gift card and recipe in a jar. She even gave Benji a hug, despite having only just met him. But even when all of that was done, and people had taken pictures of their cookies before eating them, the party kept going.
Benji was exhausted. How had Talia done this even once? And probably with an actual crowd, too. Benji sat down in the kitchen, tuned out the music and gaiety, and began decorating his own cookie. Soon enough, though, someone pulled out a chair next to him.
“Thanks for the honorable mention, Ben-Ben,” Ashton said, scooting his chair in with a loud screech.
Startled out of focus, Benji dropped the snowflake sprinkle he was trying to carefully place on his cookie. Any existing conversational prowess had disappeared with his social battery.
Ashton reached over and repositioned the snowflake right where Benji had wanted it. “What was that first one? The cookie with too many lights on the roof?”
At this, Benji confronted Ashton head on. “It’s from Christmas Vacation.” Ashton looked back blankly. “Oh, my God. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen Christmas Vacation. It’s a classic, a must-see, a full-on cultural moment.”
“I’ll have to watch it then.”
“Definitely,” Benji agreed, shaking some more snowflakes onto his plate.
Ashton watched over Benji’s shoulder for a moment. The snowflakes were soon a heavy storm. “You must really like Christmas.”
“Not as much as my sister,” Benji accidentally admitted. He tried to recover. “But, uh, yeah, I do like Christmas.”
At that moment, Benji’s ever-present wingman Ghost jumped up onto his shoulders as he hunched over the table. He huffed out a laugh, sending the sprinkles everywhere. Unbothered, Ghost draped himself around Benji’s neck like a scarf and started licking his hair. Ashton’s hand brushed the back of Benji’s head as he pet the cat. If Benji looked out the corner of his eye, he could watch Ashton make adoring faces at the cat.
“I haven’t really gotten to see the cats at all. He’s cute,” Ashton said.
“Yeah, he is,” Benji agreed, averting his eyes when Ashton caught him staring.
All of a sudden, a shout arose in the living room. JJ poked her head into the kitchen. She was wearing a headband with antlers that she definitely hadn’t been wearing before. “Someone’s doing fireworks outside! Quick!”
Ashton lifted Ghost off Benji’s shoulders before the two followed everyone outside, making sure to shut the door behind them this time. The boys would have to miss out on this part of the night. Someone a few streets away had decided to do a Christmas Eve eve fireworks show. The amateur fireworks show lit up the sky and the faces of the cookie contestants.
The lights sparkled in Benji’s eyes, his mouth opened slightly. He’d always loved fireworks at Fourth of July. There were so many bad things about fireworks, but he couldn’t help finding them beautiful. Something that was supposed to be a weapon or a practical signal had become a celebration. At some point, he glanced over at Ashton, who wasn’t watching the fireworks at all. He was looking at Benji. And smiling. It was at that moment that Benji realized they’d been holding hands since they left the kitchen. He returned the smile right as a red firework burst overhead, highlighting Ashton’s dark hair. So he reached over and touched the grown-out bits on the back of Ashton’s neck. “I like your hair like this.”
Ashton playfully tugged the Santa hat down over Benji’s eyes. “Thank you.”
The two human boys leaned against each other and watched the rest of the fireworks while the two feline boys watched from the window. By the time the fireworks were done, the party was done, too. JJ, Kare, and Ashton stayed a bit longer to watch Christmas Vacation. When the end credits began, JJ and Kare not so discreetly absconded to leave the boys alone.
At that point, it was well into the wee hours of Christmas Eve. Ashton fed the boys a couple of his treats. At the door, Ashton pulled on his coat while Ghost rubbed against his leg with the hope of more cookies. “This was really fun,” Ashton said. “I’m glad I came.”
“Of course you are. Now you have a new favorite Christmas movie,” Benji responded, too tired to be nervous. He handed Ashton a scarf for the extra nighttime cold; he could always buy another one.
Ashton looped the scarf around his neck and laughed. “Well… you have to promise to come over and watch my old favorite Christmas movie. My parents usually throw a New Year’s Party and I hide in the basement with some friends. Will you come?”
“Yes, but if you have bad taste in movies, we can’t be friends anymore.” Benji leaned against the banister of the staircase, eyes half closed. He opened them wider to look at Ashton, who had gone oddly still and quiet.
Seeming to come to some decision, Ashton took a confident step forward and kissed Benji so fast that Benji couldn’t believe it had started by the time it ended. Ashton stepped back, cheeks pink and hands stuffed into his coat pockets. “So I’ll see you on New Year’s?” His eyes darted up to see Benji’s reaction.
The banister was now offering support for a shocked Benji. After his brain caught up, Benji nodded yes, surprised at how happy this answer seemed to make Ashton.
~ ~ ~
“Merry Christmas!” Benji’s family shouted at him from across the ocean.
Benji returned the greeting, snuggled up on the couch with the boys and wearing his Christmas cat sweater. Outside, a light dusting of snow was blanketing the lawn, making the house feel even cozier. “How’s Christmas in Scotland?”
“Amazing! We saw this tree lighting ceremony this morning and…” As Benji’s mom and dad continued to detail the things they’d done the past couple days, a text came through on Benji’s phone from Talia. He saw on the computer screen that she was looking down.
How was the party?
Benji looked up from his phone, made sure his sister was looking, and lifted up a cup of hot chocolate with a candy cane sticking out of it. On the mug was a quote from Benji’s favorite Christmas movie: “Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”
Talia laughed and made him promise to give her details later.
Before he ended the call, he had one more surprise for his family. Benji used Ashton’s treats to coax the boys into doing what he wanted and then rushed them over to the laptop camera. Nutmeg and Ghost reluctantly wore homemade, kitty-sized Christmas hats.
“Cats in hats!” Talia squealed. “You really did get festive. Where did you get those?”
Benji shrugged, for the first time not regretting his decision to stay home. He would have rather been with his sister, but as far as Christmas holidays went, this one was a success. So even though he’d spent hours buying felt and sewing supplies, tracking down simple craft instructions, and struggling to complete those instructions, the answer was simple: “Christmas magic.”
-Ryn PB
This story was inspired by Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares, my family’s old tradition of throwing Christmas cookie contests, “Who Spiked the Eggnog?” by Straight No Chaser, and every YA holiday romance I’ve read/watched. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
In early 2021, when half the world was still taking COVID-19 seriously and the other half were pretending it never happened and wasn’t happening, I started listening to One Direction. And 5 Seconds of Summer. And eventually BTS. My mind wanted something fun and simple and easy to consume: the pop/rock boy band.
At this point, along with the pandemic still taking a toll, my life was in a period of extra upheaval, and I figured out a fun way to (not) deal with it was to review the solo and side projects of current and former boy band members. I would get a little tipsier than usual, open up Spotify and Genius lyrics, and start live-tweeting my reactions. Lately, I’ve been missing doing these little one-person listening parties, but not enough to get a new Twitter account (er, X account, I guess).
And here we are. I’ve retrieved my Boy Band Music Critic hat from the back of my closet. Before I can wear it again, however, I need to readjust it to make sure it fits. So before this year is over, I’ll be going over my old tweets and consolidating them here so I don’t have to do repeat reviews.
In this post, I’ll be tackling some of the boy band solo projects I reviewed in the summer of 2021, song by song. So buckle up, it’s gonna be a long trip through the (mostly) unedited thoughts of 2021 Ryn.
First Time – EP by Liam Payne (reviewed July 25, 2021)
Alright, mes amies, I just got done doing my French Duolingo and I am ready to put my boyband music critic hat on for the next 1D guy: Liam Payne! Ah, the days when I was still trying to learn French. Those are long gone, 2021 Ryn. The only song I can remember hearing of his is “Strip That Down” which is very mainstream, sexy pop music.
“First Time (feat. French Montana)”: Ope, I was practicing the wrong language. We’ve got some Spanish here. For a song about booty calls, the music is a little intense. Like, if you took the vocals away, I would feel an impending sense of doom. Also, we stan Rihanna references.
“Home With You”: “Home With You” is surprisingly wholesome and hopeful. The “beginning of a relationship” kind of hope. And that falsetto… The background beat/percussion of this song kinda sounds like when you make an “O” shape with your mouth and hit it with your palm and now I can’t stop laughing.
“Depend On It”: Ooh, a piano ballad. Am I about to feel things? This is a 180 from the last song. (But LP’s got that falsetto down PAT.) “I’m not ready yet, there’s still a thread left / If I could just hold on, onto unraveling hope.” 2021 Ryn clearly did not actually “feel things” while listening to this piano ballad, but 2023 Ryn isn’t surprised. Liam Payne’s music is mediocre at best, and Liam Payne’s personality hasn’t always been great.
“Slow”: The upbeat-ness of “Slow” surprised me. The lyrics are basically, “I know our relationship is almost over, but just let me have a little more time.” I like this version of a breakup song. And this song makes me wanna bob my head to the beat. Very Jesse McCartney vibes. Ah, yes, the King of the Chunky Blond Highlight, Mr. Jesse McCartney. I wonder what he’s up to these days.
Final Thoughts: It was basic pop music without any groundbreaking lyrics, but the songs were fun to listen to. And I definitely am gonna be adding “Slow” to my jamming out playlist… 2023 Ryn update: I did not, in fact, add this song to my playlist.
“Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” Cover by Liam Payne (reviewed July 25, 2021)
“Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow”: I know it’s July, but I’m definitely listening to Mr. Payne’s version of “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow.” Don’t judge me! 2021 Ryn didn’t actually review this song. I suspect it was like many other pop music covers of classic Christmas songs, and so 2021 Ryn didn’t have much to comment on.
LP1 (Target Exclusive Version) by Liam Payne (reviewed July 25, 2021)
Just looking at the tracklist for LP1, I see lots of collabs, I see “Hips Don’t Lie” (consider my curiosity peaked), and I see another Christmas song.
“Midnight (with Alesso)”: 2021 Ryn didn’t review this song. 2023 Ryn is not currently willing to listen to it, though he reserves the right to change his mind!
“Stack It Up (feat. A Boogie Wit da Hoodie)”: “Stack It Up” is like if an 80s video game and a 2010s pop song were mashed together. I love that this is an “I work for the money” song. Def adding to my work playlist. Side note: I’ve never heard of this artist, but “A Boogie Wit da Hoodie” is an iconic name. Once again, 2021 Ryn was too kind. LP didn’t make it onto my work playlist. And, if I may say so myself, that playlist was awesome.
“Remember”: In “Remember,” there’s that rhyme between “changes” and “strangers” that I remember (see what I did there?) from Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson lyrics. Idk what that means, but there ya go. The lyrics are pretty generic, about not being able to forget a lost loved one and how everything is a reminder of that person. Catchy and would jam to it if it came on the radio. Subtext: I would only listen to it if it came on the radio.
“Heart Meet Break”: “Heart meet break, lips meet drink / Rock meet bottom, to the bottom I sink.” That hits hard, man. Especially when you consider the drinking problems some of the 1D boys had. Soundwise, though, it sounds pretty similar to the last song.
“Hips Don’t Lie”: Okay, I’m excited for “Hips Don’t Lie.” C’mon, Shakira Payne! Oh, bummer, no Shakira vibes. Same pop music beat and smooth vocals, though I can’t say I’m a fan of the chorus. Though I do think the lyric “I hope your hips don’t lie / Unless they’re lying with me” is pretty clever.
“Tell Your Friends”: The beginning of “Tell Your Friends” almost feels like an AJR song until it slips into LP’s radio pop vibe. Still makes me sad that celebs need to pen songs about fame messing with their relationships and how people view them. Also a cute “let’s fight for our relationship” song.
“Say It All”: Okay, okay, we’re starting off “Say It All” with a raspy “Yeah.” The lyrics have a percussive-keyboard background, and the chorus starts with piano and slow vocals before the beat drops. The bridge is a repetition of, “Sick and tired of these days and nights,” which is from a lyric that finishes with “when you just ain’t around,” but, like, I fuck with that bridge. Me too, man. Me too. So literally the only thing 2021 Ryn liked about this song was half of the lyrics of the bridge. Not promising…
“Rude Hours”: “Rude Hours” is 100 percent what you would expect from that title. Some double entendre, but mostly just right in your face. (“Check in at the Hard Rock Hotel, baby” is the funniest double entendre I’ve ever heard…) Not gonna lie, these lyrics are making me BLUSH.
“Live Forever (with Cheat Codes)”: Another collab! With Cheat Codes (who I’ve heard of; are they DJs? I think they’re DJs.). Alright, “Live Forever” is my favorite so far. Got some guitar with a plucky beat and the ANGST. I love the angst. It’s like a diluted pop punk.
“Weekend”: For song intros, Jason Derulo has “Jason Derulo,” and Liam Payne has “yeah.” Knowing about LP’s substance misuse issues makes the lyrics of “Weekend” so much more dismal. The chorus: “I come alive on the weekend / I might die on the weekend / Another line for my demons.” The atmosphere of the song fits perfectly with the theme—a sinister party vibe.
“Both Ways”: The beginning of “Both Ways” reminds me of “Beautiful Girls” by Sean Kingston for some reason. Okay, another song makin’ me blush. I know this song is about an adventurous sex life, but idk what “both ways” means because it seems like he’s describing more than two ways… Also, was it necessary to name drop a Bugatti Sport to make his point that she “switches lanes”?
OH. I just got it. I just got what “Both Ways” means. His partner is multisexual. Hmm… that gives me mixed feelings. There’s no shame in any expression of sexuality, but the way he writes about it could possibly perpetuate stereotypes about bi/pan/multisexual people. Knowing what I know now, I can almost guarantee that Liam Payne was exploiting those stereotypes for the song.
“Strip That Down (feat. Quavo)”: “Strip That Down” is the song that I know! I remember when this was popular. It’s got “I’m getting out of Disney” era Jesse McCartney vibes. And Genius lyrics just told me that the low-pitched “Strip that down, girl” in the chorus is Ed Sheeran; idk why that’s funny but it is. It’s just not a lyric I would associate with Mr. Rupert Grint Lookalike.
LP likes his cars. We’ve name-dropped a Ferrari now, specifically an “F1 type” with “six-gear speed.” The “yeah” and “oh” chant in the background is my favorite form of percussion on this entire album. Quavo makes a guest appearance that actually fits well in the song. 2023 Ryn has become more amenable to the random rap interlude in pop songs, potentially because of my interest in K-pop, which often mixes rap and pop. But cheers to Quavo for delivering a rap so good that even 2021 Ryn couldn’t imagine this song without it.
“For You (with Rita Ora)”: A very cinematic opening to “For You.” Fitting because this song is from a 50 Shades movie according to Spotify. Rita Ora steals the spotlight. Damn, those vocals. Now it sounds like Ora is emerging from underwater… and now some acoustic guitar. This song is very random.
“Familiar (with J. Balvin)”: “Familiar” has kind of a Caribbean or Latin pop music vibe. Oh, it’s because J. Balvin is here and singing in Spanish. This song is kinda fun! I remember not liking this song when it came out. It’s just the whole “famili-famili-famili-familiar” part that bothers my brain. (It’s also why I don’t like that one Maroon 5 song “Don’t Wanna Know.” But this song I like a bit better, actually.)
“Polaroid (with Jonas Blue & Lennon Stella)”: I know a lot of people don’t like the insta-love trope, but I actually don’t mind it (if it’s done with nuance), so I don’t hate that “Polaroid” is a two-sided insta-love story (with Lennon Stella being LP’s counterpoint). I think LP’s voice meshes better with Lennon Stella’s than Rita Ora’s. “Polaroid” has subtle island party vibes and I love the metaphor of pictures as memories.
“Get Low (with Zedd)”: “Get Low“—another song title from the 2010s. LP likes the word “faded.” Also, we got a really good heavy beat at the start, then it turned into snapping, and I’m kinda bummed. This is the most upbeat of the “sexy sexy I have sex” songs. “‘Sexy sexy I have sex’ songs?” Oh, 2021 Ryn, you are truly a treasure.
Two more thoughts: 1. Does “when the water come down, I’ma get in that” mean what I think it means? 2. The undertooowww! (Oh, Dory, why did you have to have an unfortunate voice actor?) Weird movie reference, 2021 Ryn.
“Bedroom Floor”: The “brr, brr” noise after talking about his iPhone ringing in “Bedroom Floor” made me laugh harder than it should have. Again, I don’t get the appeal of on/off relationship songs/stories (especially ones like this one where LP’s partner seems to be two-faced). BUT I do love the double meaning of “Don’t make me bring up your dirty laundry.” True mastery of the double entendre.
“All I Want (For Christmas)”: “All I Want (For Christmas)” is such a bittersweet song. It’s a gentle piano ballad about a failing relationship and the hope of a better future that holidays can sometimes bring. “Baby, all I want for Christmas / Is you and me to fix this.” 😭😭😭
“Hurting Me”: Okay, and after that adorable Christmas love song, I’m listening to “Hurting Me,” which is about a cheating partner. OH MY GOD THAT FALSETTO. THAT HARMONY. I’M MAD THIS ISN’T ON SPOTIFY. “’Cause you’re hurtin’ me / And that don’t work for me.” Chill with the all caps, 2021 Ryn. There are much better falsettos out there! Although, unfortunately, bigoted people can have talent. I believe Payne has a good singing voice, if nothing else.
“Before It Ends”: Is “Before It Ends” also gonna give me feels? Why are the best songs only on exclusive versions of albums? Yes, it’s another song about the impending end of a relationship, but the vocals and lyrics are so much better than the others on the CD.
“Down”: “Down” is now veering back toward the same vibes as the original tracklist. The vocals are okay. LP has a great falsetto. It’s got a little random dubstep/video-game-noises part to the chorus. I do like that the lyrics talk about consent (indirectly). Oh, 2021 Ryn, “indirect consent” is often a euphemism for “no consent.” Way to be positive, though.
“Trouble”: Whoa, the chorus to “Trouble” is different. Like an eerie choir with heavy bass. We’ve kinda got that menacing party vibe again. And lots of interesting uses of autotune. I just like the eerie vibe of the chorus.
“Nobody Else”: Here’s that Liam Payne “yeah” again! The pure poetry of the lyrics, with gems like this: “Your body’s so hella, yeah.” And some weird call and response type stuff is going on here. Seriously, the absolute lust in this song is next level. Loving the last pre-chorus’s use of pauses to build tension. Can’t say I’m a huge fan of how possessive the lyrics sound, though.
Final Thoughts: Generic pop music with some exceptional vocals. A few bops that will definitely be going on some of my playlists. These “bops” definitely did not go on my playlists. Sorry, 2021 Ryn! A lot of descriptive sexy sexy sex talk, but the lyrics are sometimes pretty clever. Kinda meh for me, but still fun jams! Can’t argue with that. Generic pop music can still be fun to listen to every now and then.
“Medicine” by Harry Styles (reviewed August 9, 2021)
“Medicine”: I totally didn’t mean to put on my Boy Band Music Critic hat today, but I *accidentally* clicked on a video of Harry Styles performing “Medicine” live and… um… wow. That was both impressive and hot. What a video to watch on a Monday night… 🤩
I still wanna “officially” listen to the other songs he plays or covers live, but, like, I couldn’t not share how cool this performance was. I don’t think I get starstruck easily, but this song… oof! 2023 Ryn is ready to admit that he does, in fact, get starstruck easily. I just have the ability to step back and appreciate the humanity behind the “stars” of my being “starstruck.” (And “Medicine” is still super hot. No shame.)
Conclusion
The only reason I tacked on that last Harry Styles review is because I didn’t want to dedicate an entire post to Liam Payne. I won’t go into what has already been documented, but he’s been pretty openly homophobic. (To be fair, he did recently release this video explaining his comments on Logan Paul’s podcast, which I won’t link here. He doesn’t really apologize, and I can’t tell if he’s sincere, but it doesn’t hurt to give him a second chance if you are willing. Addiction can make you do and say terrible things, and if he’s willing to own up to that, that’s great.) If he ends up releasing more music, I’ll decide then whether or not I’ll review it, but it’s only fair that you, dear reader, know that I have this in mind while regarding his music these days!
In future Boy Band Music Critic posts, I plan to do a bit more research on who wrote and produced songs, and maybe I’ll add a little about the performer themselves if I feel the need to do so.
The next BBMC post will be the rest of 2021 Ryn’s opinions. And then we move onto 2022 Ryn! Huzzah!
-Ryn PB
To continue the SNL skit tradition, here’s one of my favorites from Harry Styles.
In early 2021, when half the world was still taking COVID-19 seriously and the other half were pretending it never happened and wasn’t happening, I started listening to One Direction. And 5 Seconds of Summer. And eventually BTS. My mind wanted something fun and simple and easy to consume: the pop/rock boy band.
At this point, along with the pandemic still taking a toll, my life was in a period of extra upheaval, and I figured out a fun way to (not) deal with it was to review the solo and side projects of current and former boy band members. I would get a little tipsier than usual, open up Spotify and Genius lyrics, and start live-tweeting my reactions. Lately, I’ve been missing doing these little one-person listening parties, but not enough to get a new Twitter account (er, X account, I guess).
And here we are. I’ve retrieved my Boy Band Music Critic hat from the back of my closet. Before I can wear it again, however, I need to readjust it to make sure it fits. So before this year is over, I’ll be going over my old tweets and consolidating them here so I don’t have to do repeat reviews.
In this post, I’ll be tackling some of the boy band solo projects I reviewed in the summer of 2021, song by song. So buckle up, it’s gonna be a long trip through the (mostly) unedited thoughts of 2021 Ryn.
Flicker by Niall Horan (reviewed June 25, 2021)
I pretty much only know two songs from Niall Horan (“Slow Hands” and “Nice to Meet Ya”), and I honestly couldn’t tell you what his voice sounds like. But he always seemed so cheery and optimistic (while in 1D), so I’m excited to get into his first album!
“On The Loose”: “On the Loose” is giving me “my girlfriend’s a werewolf” vibes for some reason… But this song is super catchy, I gotta admit.
“This Town”: “Waking up to kiss you and nobody’s there” feels similar to the lyric “Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone” from Louis Tomlinson’s song “Walls.” Man, these 1D guys are good at performing breakup songs that make me emotional even though I’ve never been in a romantic relationship.
“Seeing Blind (feat. Maren Morris)”: Ooh, a collab! 2023 Ryn still loves a good collab. Not sure who Maren Morris is but she’s got a great voice. This has a folk rock vibe to me, which surprised me for some reason. This is just kind of a cute, fun song. And the way their voices mesh, ugh! Beautiful.
“Slow Hands”: I only remember “Slow Hands” vaguely from, like, 2017 and I didn’t like it initially, so let’s see… I think my favorite part of this song is every time there’s a “woo!” 2017 me and 2021 me clearly have different music tastes. And 2023 Ryn has different music taste than the both of you! This is a song where the vibe and lyrics match perfectly (a.k.a. sexy but in a way that seems like the people involved are soaking it in). “Sexy but soaking it in?” What exactly does that mean, 2021 Ryn?
“Too Much To Ask”: Um, is “Too Much to Ask” gonna make me emotional? “My shadow’s dancing / Without you for the first time.” Yes, I am emotional now. Damn it. Why do these unrequited love songs hit me so dang hard? Because you’re dealing with a huge collective trauma, 2021 Ryn. Although, I can’t deny that I still sometimes gets emotional listening to unrequited love songs.
“Paper Houses”: The lyrics of “Paper Houses” make me think of the dollhouse city in The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. “And our paper houses reach the stars / ‘Til we break and scatter worlds apart.” This is a really beautiful song. I’m starting to deduce that a main theme of this album is the loss of a loved one (probably a partner). Just call me Sherlock Homeboy Band Critic. Yes, that’s right, 2023 Ryn has the same cringey humor as 2021 Ryn.
“Since We’re Alone”: Okay, “Since We’re Alone” starts a bit peppier musically. A nice little ode to vulnerability and intimacy with some cool ’60s/’70s guitar. The lyrics feel like a more mature version of 1D’s “What Makes You Beautiful.”
“Flicker”: The title track, let’s goooo!!! I always assume this is the artist’s favorite song. Oh, no… acoustic guitar, light percussion, soulful singing, and bittersweet/hopeful lyrics about when the ease of a relationship is lost but you haven’t given up hope. 😢
“Fire Away”: NH is really good at songs that both feel and sound gentle, which match the common theme of urging a partner to be vulnerable and trust the relationship. “Fire Away” is another guitar ballad with this theme and it fits well with the other songs. “And I will steady your hand / When you’re losing your grip.”
“You And Me”: Awww, “You and Me” is like a childhood love story. Like, we’re gonna evolve in the same direction eventually, but we might need to wait a little bit before we get there. I’m working on myself, but not quite there yet. (The lyrics kind of remind me of the Howl’s Moving Castle movie.)
“On My Own”: Having a song called “On My Own” after a song called “You and Me” can’t be an accident. A bit similar in lyrics (though more folk rock) to “Miss You” by LT. “I’ll drink ’til it’s empty / Stay out ’til it’s dead.” Also, don’t even try to tell me this isn’t a mood: “And if you ask me around / And I should decline / Don’t take it to heart / Your company’s fine / But I get on better with mine.” An introvert’s ballad if I heard one. I agree with 2021 Ryn. These lyrics are definitely ~a mood.~
“Mirrors”: “She feels her skin touch the floor” is like a lyric out of a twenty one pilots song. Songs about the loneliness that comes with suffering always hit me hard. Especially since this song details a moment of kindness from a stranger that can make a huge difference. “Mirrors” is my fave song by far, both in the music and lyrics. It gets more upbeat at the perfect times and is a bit more slow and melancholy when necessary. The mixture of the two make the music and lyrics fit so well.
“The Tide”: “The Tide” brings the whole vulnerability/tenuous relationship theme to a head. The inevitability of a relationship washing away and the desperate need to cling on because there are still feelings there.
Final Thoughts: Niall Horan found a sound and held on tightly. Many of these songs are guitar ballads that get more dramatic/upbeat as the song goes on, which I like. I think all the songs sound a bit too similar for me to say I love the whole album, but the songs themselves pair lyrics and sound super well. And NH’s voice is way more smooth than I thought it would be for some reason… definitely some grit there, but generally gentle music.
“Our Song” by Anne-Marie and Niall Horan (reviewed June 25, 2021)
I’m going a bit out of chronological order, but I’m super curious about “Our Song” because YouTube keeps suggesting it to me, so I’m also gonna listen to that today.
“Our Song”: Aw, I love this song! It’s a bit more pop than NH’s other songs and super catchy. It reminds me of two things: 1. “Our Song” by T Swizzle (translation: Taylor Swift), and 2. The essay “New Partner” from John Green’s new book, The Anthropocene Reviewed, which is about that one song that can bring you back to pivotal moments in your life.
Misc. Singles by Louis Tomlinson (reviewed June 29, 2021)
I missed a song when I was going through Louis Tomlinson’s music. “Just Like You” slipped through the cracks… The cracks in the wall? Eh? Get it? His album is called Walls? Sorry, 2021 Ryn, back to you. So I’m gonna listen to it now to rectify this situation.
“Just Like You”: A. It’s sad that he felt he needed to write a song reminding people that he’s human, too. It always baffles me when people see celebs only as celebs, not as fellow humans. Like, yeah, obviously life circumstances make a difference, but people are people. B. “I’m just like you, even though my problems look nothing like yours do.” Something to keep in mind just for everyone, yeah?
“Copy of a Copy of a Copy”: Okay, YouTube has made me aware that I’ve missed another one, though in my two seconds of research, I’ve determined it’s only played in live sets. And because I’m looking for any distractions from my current distress, we gon’ listen to another one.
Out of all of LT’s songs, this one has the best lyrics AND a guitar solo AND it’s a “you’re not alone in your pain” song. It captures how it feels so comforting and also so heartbreaking to realize you’re not alone in your feelings. SO GOOD. Also, there’s a Bojack Horseman episode in which he calls himself a “Xerox of a Xerox” when speaking of his life as an addict. So there’s that connection, too.
Final Thoughts: God, I love YouTube recommendations. Next time I feel like doing this without committing to an album, I’m gonna explore the songs that Mr. Harry Styles only plays live. The Internet has its downfalls, but it’s helping me pretend I’m at live shows, so I’ll take it. *Queues up “Welcome to the Internet” by Bo Burnham.*
Heartbreak Weather by Niall Horan (reviewed July 16, 2021)
“Heartbreak Weather”: This is already more fun than the last album! I hate to make the comparison, but it sounds a bit like it could be a 1D song? But it’s a fair comparison, 2021 Ryn! The lyrics feel much more sincere and introspective: “All of my life, it’s been heartbreak weather / Thinkin’ to myself, it won’t get better.”
“Black And White”: “Black and White” is so cute. I’ve noticed that NH likes to frame his love songs around cliches, like seeing color when you find love or the whole “you’re the light in the darkness” thing. But the songwriting is already so much more dynamic in terms of music on this album.
OMG, something was nagging at me while I was listening to “B&W” and I finally got it: It sounds like a T Swizzle song! She would do a great cover of it… Agreed, 2021 Ryn.
“Dear Patience”: “Dear Patience” has this singer-songwriter, melancholy tone. And, you know, I can never listen to too many songs about anxiety and other emotions. Aren’t all songs in some way about emotions, 2021 Ryn? Just say you like music! “Hey, can you show your face? / Can you see that I’m anxious? / Can you hear what I’m saying?” Also, the bridges in these songs have been bootiful so far.
“Bend The Rules”: NH is one of those people who have completely different speaking and singing voices… Also, “Bend the Rules” is so sad. Bad communication and lying in a relationship when one side still cares so much and the other person doesn’t give a fuck always gets to me. Everything “got to me” or “hit me hard” in 2021.
“Small Talk”: Summary of “Small Talk” in six words: Skip the foreplay; straight to sex. It’s even got a groovy background and is firmly in the “songs to have sex to” genre. (I think… to be perfectly honest I’m just saying this because it compares to other songs people say have this vibe.) Update: I have a “sexy songs” playlist now, in this the year 2023.
“Nice To Meet Ya”: Ooh, we got some French up in here in “Nice to Meet Ya.” Remember when I tried to learn French? That was a whirlwind failure. This song is super catchy. Am I sucker for songs that have humming parts in them? Yes, yes I am. Don’t forget whistling parts, 2021 Ryn! Whistling is always fun in a song.
“Put A Little Love On Me”: I can picture this being a ballad playing during a scene in which a character is reminiscing about a past relationship with, like, a montage or an imagined dance sequence (’cause that’s a surprisingly common thing in movies). Is it really that common? Yes, minor key! Come through!
“Arms Of A Stranger”: The pre-chorus of “Arms of a Stranger” has a really familiar melody to it for some reason… it’s gonna bother me now! Actually, a lot of these songs have tripped some wire in my brain. Like they sound familiar but I can’t quite place why. Maybe because Niall Horan’s songs all sound similar.
“Everywhere”: I feel like “Everywhere” is a song I would have heard in the 2010s and secretly bopped to (yes, I was a snobby alt kid who “only listened to alternative music”). I’m not the hugest fan of the clapping beat on top of the somewhat jaunty acoustic guitar picking, but the pacing on this one is much more my speed.
“Cross Your Mind”: The vocals at the beginning of “Cross Your Mind” actually made me jump lol. This and the previous song have some island/ocean metaphors, which I always enjoy. Though this one is a deceiving bop—I’m bobbing my head along with it but it’s about a toxic relationship. I’ve never understood the songs that are like “You hurt me in so many ways and leave me in pain but it’s worth it because I love you,” but maybe that’s just my lack of relationship experience. It just doesn’t seem like something to glorify, ya know?
“New Angel”: Rebound song! Lots of the lyrics (and lyrics of previous songs, tbh) are kind of like Shakespeare quotes. Meaning there’s lots of double entendres. Like every other pop song about love and sex, 2021 Ryn.
“No Judgement”: “No Judgement” literally has almost exactly the same intro and beat as the previous song. At least space them out, man! Though this one added a bit of a reggae melody, and the relationship seems a bit healthier. Everyone’s honest about the status of their situation.
“San Francisco”: Back to a cute song. An “I regret the things I did that ended our relationship, please give me a second chance” story. Not a big fan of the repetition of the word “up” in the bridge. Feels like it should be in a different song because it’s a bit percussive.
“Still”: So far,”Still” is the most cohesive song on this album, and I think it’s because it sticks with just being a guitar and vocals ballad. (There’s a little extra business going on, but it’s not overwhelming.) And the bridge in this song… ugh! A+
Spoke too soon; there’s a drumbeat now. It’s actually kinda nice, building to the climax of the song. I like that the album ends with this. It’s kind of an acceptance song. The other songs are about distractions and regret, but this one is just emotion, plain and simple.
Final Thoughts: The songs are slightly more varied, though there are still some that are super similar. The lyrics don’t vary too much from the same theme (being sad about the end of a relationship). However, more songs from this album are making it onto my playlists, and I really do think “Still” is a beautiful song. A perfect album ender. Plus, “Nice to Meet Ya” is one of the catchiest songs ever. I have a feeling it’ll be stuck in my head. A fun album with a couple bangers!
I actually remember “No Judgement” the most. Perhaps its similarity to “New Angel” kept 2021 Ryn from enjoying it, but this is one that I can still sing in my head, which is more than I can say for most of these songs.
“Finally Free” by Niall Horan, from the Smallfoot Soundtrack (reviewed July 16, 2021)
Last up from Mr. Horan (at the time of reviewing) is the song “Finally Free” from the movie Smallfoot. I have not seen this movie, so I can’t comment on how well it fits into the story, but here we go!
“Finally Free”: Okay, first impressions: major Ed Sheeran vibes that veer sharply into Avicii vibes. Um… I love this song? It’s definitely a Pixar film song, but it’s also just an adorable song about a supportive relationship/friendship. Wasn’t expecting an adventure song from NH.
Favorite Lyrics: “Yeah, the first step’s the hardest when you’re walking into the unknown / It’s been dark, and it’s been cold / Had my head in the clouds never knowing what lies down below.” This is a much less negative way to describe how I’ve been feeling lately.
Conclusion
This wraps up what 2021 Ryn has to share for today. To be honest, I really don’t listen to any of Niall Horan’s music anymore. It’s a bit too mediocre to be memorable for me. Although, you should take this with a grain of salt, because I listen to lots of mediocre pop punk. See you next time! *Tips Boy Band Music Critic hat in your direction.*
-Ryn PB
Another SNL skit for another Boy Band Music Critic post. 🙂
In early 2021, when half the world was still taking COVID-19 seriously and the other half were pretending it never happened and wasn’t happening, I started listening to One Direction. And 5 Seconds of Summer. And eventually BTS. My mind wanted something fun and simple and easy to consume: the pop/rock boy band.
At this point, along with the pandemic still taking a toll, my life was in a period of extra upheaval, and I figured out a fun way to (not) deal with it was to review the solo and side projects of current and former boy band members. I would get a little tipsier than usual, open up Spotify and Genius lyrics, and start live-tweeting my reactions.
When the transphobic Penis Rocket Man (not to be confused with the one and only Rocketman, Sir Elton John) took over Twitter and I inevitably deleted my account, I archived all of my tweets. Including my boy band “reviews.” Lately, I’ve been missing doing these little one-person listening parties, but not enough to get a new Twitter account (er, X account, I guess).
And here we are. I’ve retrieved my Boy Band Music Critic hat from the back of my closet. Before I can wear it again, however, I need to readjust it to make sure it fits. So before this year is over, I’ll be going over my old tweets and consolidating them here so I don’t have to do repeat reviews.
Just keep in mind that in the second half of 2021, I was deep in the One Direction trenches, albeit a decade too late…
In this post, I’ll be tackling three of the boy band solo projects I reviewed in June 2021, song by song. So buckle up, it’s gonna be a long trip through the (mostly) unedited thoughts of 2021 Ryn.
Harry Styles by Harry Styles (reviewed June 11, 2021)
“Meet Me In the Hallway”: This song has a ghost-walking-the-halls-of-a-hotel vibes mixed with a lil bit of “I Wanna Get Better” by the Bleachers.
“Carolina”: Oh, damn, “Carolina” has a different sound from the first two—kinda beach rock. The lyrics make me think of Hennessy from the Dreamer Trilogy by Maggie Stiefvater.
“Two Ghosts”: 2023 Ryn here. Apparently I only had crying emojis and a direct lyrical quote to convey my feelings for this song: “We’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty.” 😭😭😭
“Sweet Creature”: “Sweet Creature” is melancholy and nostalgia distilled into a song. Catch me learning this on guitar later… I never did learn this one. I learned “Cherry” from Fine Line instead.
“Only Angel”: Okay, okay. I’m ascending into heaven. Where is this taking me, Sir Styles… And BAM! right down into rock ’n’ roll hell. Love me an “angel in the streets, devil in the sheets” bop.
“Kiwi”: “Kiwi” is the song that convinced me to give Harry Styles’ music another chance. It fits the kinda problematic manic pixie dream girl trope from the 2000s that I love against my better judgment. And I’m learning so many slang words for drugs… truly an educational experience.
“Ever Since New York“: “And I’ve been praying, I never did before / Understand I’m talking to the walls / I’ve been praying ever since New York.” This song feels like the frustration that comes with grief. When you’re just desperate for someone to tell you it’ll be okay even if you know it’s a lie.
“Woman”: OKAY, SIR. You did not have to start this song by talking about rom coms. Now I wanna watch Not Another Happy Ending for the thousandth time… Song-wise, “Woman” seems like both lamentation and praise for the woman in question. This how to use repetition effectively, friends. Also, the last word and the abrupt end sent shiverssss down my spine. Stop with the amazing vocals, Mr. Styles. My spine is fragile. (But… I don’t need a spine, right?) Prepare for more cringey humor like this, dear reader.
“At the Dining Table”: “At the Dining Table” would fit right in on the Strokes’ newest album, The New Abnormal. “Maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too.” Excuse me with those harmonies. Harry Styles needs to teach a master class in using repetition as a means of emphasis and emotion.
Final Thoughts: Harry Styles’ self-titled album was set up like the plot of a novel, with a beginning that sets the scene, an exciting climax in the middle, etc. It tricks you into thinking it’s winding down on track 8. Then BAM! “Woman” throws you a curveball before the sad, sad ending that makes you want to cry. I’m impressed by the ability to make a song both sexual and emotional without losing the punch to either one. A+ lyrics and vibes. 2021 Ryn looooved talking about “vibes.” Prepare for more of that, too.
Fine Line by Harry Styles (reviewed June 12, 2021)
To conclude my exploration of solo music by Mr. Harry Styles (as of June 2021), it’s time to listen to Fine Line. I know a few more of the songs on this one already, but I’m amusing myself if no one else, so here we go!
“Golden”: “Golden” is such a lovely song. I’ve never fallen in love with someone, but I can guess that this song captures the bittersweetness that comes with taking the plunge in a relationship with someone. Also, immaculate vibes. ✨ See? Vibes. Also, I’ve still never fallen in love, and I still enjoy this song.
“Watermelon Sugar”: Ah, “Watermelon Sugar.” We all know what this song is about… But Mr. Styles, is it a watermelon-sugar taste or strawberry taste? Not the same thing, bro. Bro? Really, 2021 Ryn? Though these are two of my favorite fruits.
“Adore You”: Why do singers like strawberry lipstick so much? Is this how to get a man? Is it related to the last song? Either way, I’m loving this no-strings-attached adoration that HS is describing here. ‘Tis a jam.
“Lights Up”: Okay, okay, some weird vocal manipulation going on here. Kinda sounds like his voice is mixed with a laser sound. But I don’t hate it. This song has two different vibes—’80s piano ballad on a crappy tape and ’90s R&B choir song. I also still enjoy this song, mostly because of how loosely it can be interpreted.
“Cherry”: More fruit! Oh, I can tell by the guitar intro that this song is going to make me EMOTIONAL. And I was right… Also these raw vocals followed by the French conversation over gentle guitar almost got me crying over here early on a Saturday evening…
“Falling”: Oh no… “Falling” already makes me emotional, and I’m still fragile from “Cherry.” “And it kills me ’cause I know / We’ve run out of things we can say.” “What am I now? / What am I now? / What if you’re someone I just want around?” Excuse me while I ugly cry. This song still makes me cry sometimes.
“To Be So Lonely”: Beach vibes! I smell some ukulele… and it’s kind of swing-y. Like I wanna snap along to it and sway. Again, I’m blown away by the fact that HS’s lyrics are like mini stories or mini emotions trapped inside a song. Apparently most of the lyrics for this song were from Mitch Rowland, a musician who worked with Styles on all three of his solo albums. Many of my compliments on lyrics should have gone to Rowland.
“She”: “She” sounds like the soundtrack to a family drama that includes some sort of lost love. UMMMMMM THAT FALSETTO? I sometimes dream of just sailing away without telling my mates, too, Harry… Wouldn’t that be nice? And yes, guitar solo!! Still love a good guitar solo.
“Sunflower, Vol. 6”: I already loved “Sunflower, Vol. 6” before this listen, but I’m now reading the lyrics while listening and I like it even more. Also, can we talk about the fact that the harmonies on the “tonights” have major Queen vibes? But why is he trying to be a cuckoo clock at the end of this song?
“Canyon Moon”: Okay, “Canyon Moon” is back to peppy beach vibes. I keep wanting to match these songs to specific emotions and this one is definitely “anticipatory hopefulness.” Like excitement but with a little more nuance.
“Treat People With Kindness”: Right off the bat, “TPWK” has MIKA vibes mixed with a bit of 2000s rock in the instruments and vocals. The lyrics give me “Good Day” by twenty one pilots vibes. Like I’m super cheery and happy even though shitty things happen, are happening, and will happen. Vibes, vibes, vibes. “All together now!” Yes, Harry Styles, I will bop to this with you! I would like to petition for Harry Styles to be the new Be Kind Person since Ellen has shown her true colors.
“Fine Line”: Just like the self-titled, Mr. Styles has lulled me into a false sense of security only to hit me with a sad, soulful final song. “Spreading you open / Is the only way of knowing you” is the perfect example of what I mentioned at the end of the self-titled—HS’s ability to contrast the sexual and emotional aspects of a relationship without losing any complexity. However, this one ends more hopefully than the last album, bringing in those triumphant (for lack of a better word) trumpets and the line “We’ll be alright.” 👏👏👏 Again, an emotional journey here.
Final Thoughts: It’s definitely a natural follow-up to the last album. The lyrics get a bit more abstract and the music is more adventurous, but he deals with the same themes of communication, sex vs. emotion, and nostalgia for a past that can’t come back.
I officially declare the two solo albums of Mr. Harry Styles to be successes! Only two had been released at this time. I’m tied between wanting to just listen and vibe to his music or absolutely analyzing the lyrics like a poetry collection. Styles’ music is as eclectic and wonderful as his fashion. 🍉❤️
“Just Hold On (feat. Steve Aoki)”: “Just Hold On” (a collab with Steve Aoki) is a motivational, just-keep-going-you’ll-be-okay, you’re-in-charge-of-your-life jam. Have you heard of regular adjectives, 2021 Ryn? A full on dance party bop! “You can be who you were or who you’ll become.” *Snaps for this lyric.*
“Back to You (feat. Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals)”: I didn’t expect Louis Tomlinson’s voice to mesh so well with Bebe Rexha’s, but it really does. My brain is confused but in the best way possible. This song is gonna be in my head for a while. It’s catchy as fuck.
“Miss You”: I already love “Miss You.” The music just fits the themes so well. It’s got a “we’re having a great time, partying and drinking, woohoo” vibe, and then the music drops off when he says, “Shit, maybe I miss you” because realizations like that can make you stop dead in your tracks. A+++. Apparently, regular adjectives were not in the cards for 2021 Ryn.
Walls by Louis Tomlinson (reviewed June 19, 2021)
Confession: I’ve already listened to this full album and it made me cry so many times so I’ll try to rein it in… but like, this is the music I referenced when I said I’d found the right music at the right time. I was very emotional in June 2021, as I’m sure we all were. I haven’t cried over music this often before or since then.
“Kill My Mind”: “Kill My Mind” totally tricked me into thinking this album was going to have a completely different vibe. But I ain’t even mad because it’s so fun to listen to.
“Don’t Let It Break Your Heart”: “Don’t Let It Break Your Heart” is already making me want to cry. We’ve all lost someone and felt hopeless but then we’ve found out that we can keep living no matter how much it hurts. “When the high’s too high and the low’s too low” just hit me in the damn chest HARD.
“Two of Us”: And “Two of Us” is where I’m gonna lose my battle with the tears… It’s still true. This song is a tearjerker. I don’t say much in 2021, but it hits home because it describes what it’s like to dedicate yourself to someone and something even though the person you’re doing it for is gone. You still want to make them proud, listen to the advice you think they might give, etc.
“We Made It”: I love a good underdog story/song. “We Made It” is that combined with the idea of looking back and appreciating the things you used to be insecure about or that were rough at the time, things with emotional repercussions. I’m not great at succinct thoughts when I don’t edit myself, which has never been clearer than when I had a Twitter account.
“Too Young”: Okay, “Too Young” finally made me realize why this album hits me so hard. The main theme is looking back and feeling both nostalgia and sadness about the past, because it could have been so much better if you knew what you know now. And I feel that like a punch in the gut. Plus, it’s a great look at what parasocial relationships can do to young people.
“Walls”: The title track! I love the chorus of this song. I like this almost literal take on the “I built up walls around myself but you knocked them down” trope. Also, “For every question why, you were my because” always gives me chills. Oh, and the bookending of the lyric, “Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone,” is just… ugh, I love it.
“Habit”: “I took some time ’cause I’ve ran out of energy / Of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be / But honestly, I don’t have to choose anymore.” Me too, man. 😭😭😭 This review could also be titled “Ryn Realizes Being Queer and Being Famous Have a Lot in Common.”
“Always You”: “Always You” is an adorable love song. Songs with this title usually are. But this one also has a kind of fun, swingy beat to it on guitar.
“Fearless”: The lines in “Fearless” that mention being “strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people” are so heartbreaking. Because they imply that the “you” of the song is no longer confident enough to make mistakes, potentially because of the judgments of others. Also, LT is a master of closing lines. The ending lyric of every song always packs a punch.
“Perfect Now”: A. I wanna learn “Perfect Now” on the guitar cuz it seems kinda fun and easy-ish. I never learned this one, either. I instead learned “Edelweiss” from The Sound of Music. B. Ooh, we got some violins up in here now! C. This song is so cute.
“Defenceless”: “Defenceless” has no business being about the fear of being honest but doing it anyway, and trying to convince someone you love that they can do the same with you, when I always need people to convince me of that… I stan vulnerability in art, but vulnerability is scary irl. True story, 2021 Ryn.
“Only the Brave”: “Only the Brave” reminds of “Loving Someone” by The 1975 (with the lyrics, not the sound). I can see why my fellow gays love this song. When you’re not performing cis-heteronormativity, love can be scary and seem impractical. So you gotta be brave.
Final Thoughts: LT is the king of closing lines, especially ones that are repeated lyrics from before that have a slightly changed meaning. These songs make me emotional, and because I listened to them for the first time during a bout of horrible depression, I don’t think they’ll ever not make me emotional. They are simple but heartfelt and honest. Plus, LT knows how to write a bangin’ pop song to just jam to.
I kind of wanna go see what other songs LT has written for other artists or from when he was in 1D because I love me some simple yet effective lyrics. Anyways, 1D solo project #2 was also a success for me! My Spotify playlists are happy.
Conclusion
That’s all for now, friends! On my next post, I will continue with some Louis Tomlinson music and Niall Horan’s first two solo albums. I’m not sure how regularly I’ll post these boy band solo project reviews after the New Year, but before then, they’ll be somewhat sporadic in order to get them all on here. So 2021 Ryn and I will see you soon!
I love writing these song-book pairings, so I thought I would write a little mini one for fun because I’ve been listening to the same few songs on repeat lately. Plus, I’m gearing up for a Nebraska winter, a.k.a. “I Wanna Reread My Faves to Feel Cozy” season.
“Standing Next to You” by Jung Kook: Our Violent Ends by Chloe Gong
Half of the lyrics in this song apply perfectly to the fact that the These Violent Delights duology is a retelling of Romeo and Juliet. “They can’t divide us, we’ll survive the test of time” just speaks to the timelessness of the star-crossed lovers story.
But what makes me pair this song particularly with the second book of the duology is this line: “I swear that I’ll be right here / Standing next to you / Standing in the fire next to you.” In the interest of not giving spoilers for this amazing duology you should definitely read, all I’ll say is that if you know Roma and Juliette’s story, you’ll get it.
Also, the music video just adds another layer to this pairing. Rich people mafia vibes, fated love, intense dance breaks (replace “dance breaks” with “gang fights” for the book)—how could you not put them together?
2. “Wait for Me” by the Hadestown Original Broadway Cast: The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern
Max/Mirabel is literally an incarnation of Fate in a story of prewritten/predetermined love. One could argue that this story has parallels to the Orpheus and Eurydice myth in general, but I think this song in particular can lend a new angle to The Starless Sea.
Mirabel and the Keeper have lived the same ill-fated story over and over and over again, just as the characters in Hadestown have done. No matter how many Harbors are abandoned or lovers disappear, they start again with new hope. And that hope touches others’ lives, so many that its reach cannot be measured. Even if every iteration of the story so far has ended in tragedy, the hope of a better future can still be found—behind a door, in a song, among the stories and myths.
3. “Yes I’m a Mess” by AJR: Paper Towns by John Green
John Green is great at showing how small things can seem big to teenagers, neurodivergent people, or anyone really. Basically, AJR is the pop music equivalent to John Green.
AJR literally sing, “So I spent last night blowin’ up my life / Now you won’t see me again” and, “Why should I fix the shit I’ve done / When I could just pack my shit and run?” They could have taken these straight out of Margo Roth Spiegelman’s diary!
Both the book and the song are about disappearing from a superficial life, leaning into the flawed parts of yourself, and doing it all with foppish aplomb. However, while AJR’s song is from the position of someone who has accepted that life can be messy and superficial, Paper Towns follows the journey of one teenager (Q) figuring out that someone he cares about (Margo) is having trouble processing this fact.
Either way, both are angsty and existential and right up my alley.
4. “Angel Pt. 1” by Kodak Black, Jimin, JVKE, & Muni Long: Call Down the Hawk (& the rest of the Dreamer Trilogy) by Maggie Stiefvater
This song is from a Fast & Furious movie, which already makes it perfect for a Maggie Stiefvater book, but more than that, these lyrics could apply to any of the main characters in this series. Ronan, Declan, Hennessy, Jordan, and Carmen are all convinced that they are someone who “break[s] beautiful things,” someone toxic to anyone with an open heart. They each tend to demonize themselves while putting the people they love on a pedestal. Plus, the line “generation curses of disloyalty, we breaking that” could apply to Carmen and her brother, any of the Lynch brothers, or Hennessy and her duplicates.
“The devil on my shoulder he whisper, I told him / Angel, don’t fly so close to me / I’ll pull you down eventually / You don’t wanna lose those wings / People like me break beautiful things.” This line is one of many in the song that subverts the simplicity of “devil vs. angel,” in that the “devil on your shoulder” can give selfless if self-destructive advice. Just like in the Dreamer Trilogy, everything is incredibly complex and nothing is as it seems on the surface.
5. “Social Path” by Stray Kids & LiSA: I Was Born for This by Alice Oseman
I was tempted to pair this song with Daisy Jones & the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid because of the general “I gave up being young in order to become famous/follow my dreams” theme. However, “Social Path” is a bit more optimistic in nature, about “rising from the ashes” of a difficult journey with “passion [that] always burns eternally.”
I Was Born for This fits so much better because it looks at both sides of a parasocial relationship. Hardcore fans give as much of their personalities to the celebrities they’re fans of as the celebrities put into their art. On the fan side of things, Angel represents the people who are “still in the crowd, alien of the town,” looked down on because of their intense passion for one thing (and for being a young woman in a fandom). On the celebrity side of things, Jimmy (and his bandmates) represent the act of taking this unfounded love (and hate) and “waking the demon that’s hiding inside,” which can be both good and bad.
This is one of my favorite books involving parasocial relationships, and “Social Path” sums up its themes almost perfectly.
Bonus Bonuses:
“Going to Hell” by Adeem the Artist: Everyone in this Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin
“Fake Out” by Fall Out Boy: Bloom by Kevin Panetta
“You’re Beautiful” by The Rose: Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert
“Haegeum” by Agust D: The Way of the Househusband series by Kousuke Oono
“Yes or No” by Jung Kook: Legend series by Marie Lu
The biggest victims of the Salem Witch Trials were black cats. And I know this may sound melodramatic coming from me, but it’s true. Witches have recovered their good name and get killed much less nowadays. I bet you even know people who believe shiny rocks can help them—you can thank witches for that. They love turning something ordinary into something special.
On the other hand, black cats are still seen as bad luck and get euthanized more than any other cat. We’re always stuck in shelters, and whole religions have decreed that we are Satanic.
Worst of all, everyone gets the myths about black cats wrong. Like any game of telephone, the real truth is distorted almost every time it’s told. Very little of what you know about the world is the pure, raw truth, if anything. The black cat mythos is no different.
That we bring bad luck if we walk past you, that we are witches’ familiars or the witches themselves—though in my experience, the people who call themselves witches are much nicer to us, which may account for black cats’ relationship with all things witchy—that we can make it rain when we’re mad about getting wet, or that we have nine lives. Even the good ones have been exaggerated, like that we protect sailors in rough waters or that our presence in a theater predicts the success of a debuting play.
The truth of all of this can be explained in the one way that we are in fact magical, the one thing that everyone has forgotten even though it’s so obvious it makes me wonder how humans climbed to the top of the food chain. Especially since they can’t even climb to the top of the fridge without standing on a chair. This truth does involve the number nine, a bit of luck, and a witch. It’s a story of one of my ancestors that has been passed down through generations, and as we all know, black cats cannot lie. So you know it’s the truth.
Back in the time when bears slept in appropriately sized beds and wolves ate the grandmothers of red-cloaked children, it was common for witches to live in the woods with them. One particular witch lived in one particular forest called the Black Forest.
In fact, the term Black Cat initially referred to cats that came from this forest, but humans are incredibly literal. So even though cats of many colors have the same abilities as black cats, humans fail to recognize this.
This Black Forest witch dreamt of a pair of shining golden eyes. When she woke up and went outside, she found a black Black Forest cat sitting on her porch, staring at her with those same golden eyes. As all witches know, dreams can nudge you in the right direction, so she decided to bring food out for this black cat and kept her windows open so it could come and go.
To befriend a black cat in the Black Forest was rare. The Black Forest is “black” because it is dark and shadowy. Even humans can see that we black cats share many of the characteristics of shadows. Which is why we like them. Shadows are kindred souls—they seem scary from afar but can offer shelter or comfort when up close.
Every day, the witch sat outside and waited for her friendly shadow. In return for her generosity, the cat rid her home of bothersome rodents that ate her food and threatened her with disease. Later on, cats did this same service on boats, ensuring a safer passage for sailors. With her newfound health and strength, the witch built the cat a shelter for the winter. It stayed even when the spring came.
Soon after a heavy storm, the cat crossed the path of an injured traveler and led the witch to them. This traveler was afraid of the cat, convinced it had arrived to bring more misfortune, but when the traveler arrived at the witch’s house, they found not just a warm place to heal, but a person to love.
The traveler’s health did not improve, so in case they succumbed to their injury, the traveler told the cat where to find the treasure they had been searching for on the fateful day they’d met. Before leaving, the cat let the witch pluck its few white hairs to bolster the strength of a healing potion. By the time the cat returned with the bag of riches, the traveler was healthy.
The cat, the witch, and the traveler helped each other live better lives than they could have without each other. The cat kept watch when the couple wanted to spend time together without worry. When the witch’s and traveler’s first child grew ill, the cat lay in bed with the child every day to make sure it was always comfortable. Even though this child did not live long, the child lived in comfort and love. Something the witch and the traveler would never forget. Something the cat would never forget. Everyone forgets that cats need comfort and love, too.
The Black Forest cat wandered the Black Forest in search of people who were in search of something. The cat led these searchers to the witch and the traveler, who used magic and experience to help them find that something. It didn’t take long for word to spread about the black Black Forest cat who would bring you to a witch.
As has been true throughout human history, people had mixed opinions about witches at this time. Depending on what one believed of witches, this cat would bring one good luck, bad luck, or no luck at all.
After nine years of good fortune, the witch and the traveler decided to leave the Black Forest. In return for all that it had done for them, the witch and the traveler each bestowed a gift unto the black cat. The traveler gave the black cat the gift of always knowing where to land. If you know where to land, you know where to start. The witch gave a much more magical gift: the gift of wishes.
Though genies get all of the credit as wish-granters, black cats can do everything they can three times as much. You see, black cats have only the one life, but they have nine wishes. Every black cat since my friendly ancestor have been able to grant any nine wishes throughout their lives. And like there are many types of cats, there are many types of wishes. Some of which may be seen as good luck, others of which might be seen as bad luck.
Humans love to talk about fate and destiny and luck like they mean something. But they never stop to think that other creatures can make decisions that affect their lives. Black cats have granted so many wishes, you might even say we’ve been integral to human history. Long ago in Egypt, people understood that we might have some similarities to gods. Though we cannot grant wishes so big that they can save civilizations. I suppose gods can do that.
So next time you see one of us walking across the road or in your friend’s apartment or in a forest, make a wish. It might not be granted. It probably won’t. But isn’t it worth a try?
Oh, and a tip from me to you: we’re much more likely to grant your wish if you have a snack. Or a box.