I was going to post this on my actual birthday, but as I said in my last post, my computer broke and I was not in possession of my laptop in the days around my birthday. I won’t let technological difficulties stop me, though!

Last year, I wrote a list of 25 quotes, and because I love making lists, I thought I would follow that up with a list of 26 life lessons. I’m on my own with insurance now. I’ve got a full-time job. I have a pet and pay rent. I’m a “real” adult. I’ve got the wisdom. Here it is:

1. The weirdest idea is often the best. I mean this mostly in your creative life, but it’s often true in other situations.
2. You can’t skip the parts that make you anxious. So do the thing anyway. I’m almost constantly worried about something, but if I do the thing anyway, I often find that I forget about my worries after a bit. Or I realize that the worries were worth it for the experience I had.
3. Forgiveness and rebuilding trust are two different things. I’ve forgiven a lot of people, but I don’t trust them afterward unless they show me that I should. For a long time, I thought I was just holding grudges, but I’m not mad at these people. I’m not actively upset with them all the time. I’m just sad that they broke my trust, and that even giving them the benefit of the doubt didn’t yield results. The good news is that once you’ve forgiven someone, it’s easier to be receptive to their attempts to change.
4. It’s difficult to be consistently healthy. Do what you can. We all have healthy and unhealthy habits. That’s okay, as long as you’re not actively harming yourself or others. (And if you are, tell someone, if only to have someone else know what’s going on.)
5. I like cats just as much as I like dogs. This was actually surprisingly difficult to admit to myself. Like, even harder than admitting I like K-pop. One of my main character traits since I can remember has been that I love dogs. Heck, my Webkinz account name was “doglover303.” But I am now a cat owner and cat lover, too, and I’ve realized I can be both.
6. Not everything can be your best. You can’t even always do your best. Focus on doing your best in the things you really care about.
7. Carrots are delicious. Especially with peanut butter. Or wine.
8. If it takes less than five minutes, just do it now. This is a rule I try to follow if my mental health isn’t too poor. There are less small tasks for my anxiety to build on.
9. Making bad art is really therapeutic. At the very least, it keeps my hands busy and mind occupied when I feel too unsettled to do anything else.
10. Don’t sniffle. Blow your nose. I wish I could go back in time and talk some sense into little Ryn who was getting sinus infections all the freaking time and just powering through without touching a tissue. When you sniffle, you swallow all that snot, your stomach hurts, you continue to not be able to breathe, etc. When you blow your nose, you can alleviate those symptoms at least a little! (Hot tip from Mama Baginski: Puffs Plus with Lotion is the way to go when shopping for tissues.)
11. Relationships take effort. My best friend moved across the country, and my sister and I went through a rough patch, and I no longer work with some of my close friends. So I’ve learned that it’s really hard to keep up relationships. It’s okay to have people come in and out of your life, but if there are people you want to keep in your life, you have to put effort into it. Relationships aren’t effortless for me, but there are some people that are worth it, even if only for a little while.
12. In the moments you can control where your energy goes, don’t direct it to anger or annoyance. Little things don’t always have to become big.
13. Ask questions! All the time! Admit when you don’t know something! Much of life becomes easier when you’re not afraid to ask questions.
14. Don’t be embarrassed about the things you like. I have a bad habit of being reluctant to admit when I like something that seems incompatible with identities I’ve established for myself. Or if I have a perception of the typical person who likes that thing and this type of person is not how I want to be perceived. But it doesn’t matter! I like what I like, and it doesn’t change anything about me except that I like something new.
15. Pointless/useless skills are fun to learn. Low stakes learning is the best.
16. Integrity is doing the right thing even when you don’t want to. This is a paraphrased version of something a substitute teacher told me in grade school: “Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” It has always stuck with me, but in practice, I’ve found that doing the right thing is only hard when I don’t want to do it. Which doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with who is around.
17. Summer is better than winter. Listen. I used to say winter or fall was my favorite season, and maybe that was true for a while, but in the past few years, I’ve come to appreciate summer. I don’t even mind being sweaty or hot. The sunlight and desire to be outside make me feel so much better.
18. Spending money isn’t something to feel guilty about. Because I grew up in a money-saving household, my mind transformed that into “feel guilty if you spend money!” Instead, the lesson should have been, “it’s okay to spend money, as long as you have enough for the basic comforts.”
19. You don’t have to be the same person today that you were yesterday. And you don’t have to be the same person tomorrow that you are today.
20. Always have one thing you do to pamper yourself. For me, the one thing I pamper myself with is my haircut. I spend a little extra on haircuts than I need to, because I like having good hair. I understand that some types of pampering are cost prohibitive, but if you have the time and means to do anything that feels fancy—take a couple extra minutes in the shower, rub your feet when you finally sit down, get a coffee from a café instead of making your own—you should do it. It goes a long way!
21. There are ways to get around the gross textures of delicious foods. Smoothies, anything in a “chip” form (e.g., banana chips or sweet potato chips), raw vs. cooked, cold leftovers, put it in a cookie or muffin, etc.  
22. Go at your own pace. Slow down, speed up, whatever you need. Just be conscientious of the paces of those around you.
23. You don’t have to bend for labels. Labels are for you—to communicate your identity, to find others with that identity, to feel grounded in language—and you get to choose those labels. You can’t always choose who you are, but you get to choose your labels. You can make your own labels, or go with no labels, or adopt a label without needing to fit every single little specification, or change labels as often as you need or want to.
24. You don’t have to date. Or want to date. Here’s the tea: I’m 26, I’ve only kissed two people, I’ve never had sex, and I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. And you know what? That’s okay. There are a lot of things I want to want, but romance is one of those things I feel okay being passive about. And you don’t have to be asexual or aromantic for that to be true. That being said, if you want romance or sex or any other type of relationship, that’s okay, too.
25. Your mop is only as good as your sweep. I mean this literally and as a metaphor. If you care about doing something well, you have to set yourself up for success, otherwise you’re just moving wet dirt around.
26. You don’t always have to make the most out of life. This seems like weird advice to end on, but it’s true. If I’m too focused on remembering something or making the most of something, I’m not actually enjoying it. I’m worried about not appreciating it enough. Instead, I find that I enjoy things more if I don’t think too hard about these things. Life is meant to be lived. Just live it.

My birthday is something I like to acknowledge but not celebrate. I usually make a point to do something fun for myself on or around my birthday, but I’m not super big on a whole party or celebration. This year, I went book shopping at my favorite bookstore with one of my favorite people and then got friendship tattoos with three friends I love being around. It was the best way to spend my day—making myself and the people I love happy. This is my way of living life without needing to make the most of every moment.

Here’s to another year of life! Cheers!

-Ryn PB