Introduction

In early 2021, when half the world was still taking COVID-19 seriously and the other half were pretending it never happened and wasn’t happening, I started listening to One Direction. And 5 Seconds of Summer. And eventually BTS. My mind wanted something fun and simple and easy to consume: the pop/rock boy band.

At this point, along with the pandemic still taking a toll, my life was in a period of extra upheaval, and I figured out a fun way to (not) deal with it was to review the solo and side projects of current and former boy band members. I would get a little tipsier than usual, open up Spotify and Genius lyrics, and start live-tweeting my reactions. Lately, I’ve been missing doing these little one-person listening parties, but not enough to get a new Twitter account (er, X account, I guess).

And here we are. I’ve retrieved my Boy Band Music Critic hat from the back of my closet. Before I can wear it again, however, I need to readjust it to make sure it fits. So before this year is over, I’ll be going over my old tweets and consolidating them here so I don’t have to do repeat reviews.

In this post, I’ll be tackling some of the boy band solo projects I reviewed in the summer of 2021, song by song. So buckle up, it’s gonna be a long trip through the (mostly) unedited thoughts of 2021 Ryn.

First Time – EP by Liam Payne (reviewed July 25, 2021)

Alright, mes amies, I just got done doing my French Duolingo and I am ready to put my boyband music critic hat on for the next 1D guy: Liam Payne! Ah, the days when I was still trying to learn French. Those are long gone, 2021 Ryn. The only song I can remember hearing of his is “Strip That Down” which is very mainstream, sexy pop music.

“First Time (feat. French Montana)”: Ope, I was practicing the wrong language. We’ve got some Spanish here. For a song about booty calls, the music is a little intense. Like, if you took the vocals away, I would feel an impending sense of doom. Also, we stan Rihanna references.

“Home With You”: “Home With You” is surprisingly wholesome and hopeful. The “beginning of a relationship” kind of hope. And that falsetto… The background beat/percussion of this song kinda sounds like when you make an “O” shape with your mouth and hit it with your palm and now I can’t stop laughing.

“Depend On It”: Ooh, a piano ballad. Am I about to feel things? This is a 180 from the last song. (But LP’s got that falsetto down PAT.) “I’m not ready yet, there’s still a thread left / If I could just hold on, onto unraveling hope.” 2021 Ryn clearly did not actually “feel things” while listening to this piano ballad, but 2023 Ryn isn’t surprised. Liam Payne’s music is mediocre at best, and Liam Payne’s personality hasn’t always been great.

“Slow”: The upbeat-ness of “Slow” surprised me. The lyrics are basically, “I know our relationship is almost over, but just let me have a little more time.” I like this version of a breakup song. And this song makes me wanna bob my head to the beat. Very Jesse McCartney vibes. Ah, yes, the King of the Chunky Blond Highlight, Mr. Jesse McCartney. I wonder what he’s up to these days.

Final Thoughts: It was basic pop music without any groundbreaking lyrics, but the songs were fun to listen to. And I definitely am gonna be adding “Slow” to my jamming out playlist… 2023 Ryn update: I did not, in fact, add this song to my playlist.

“Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” Cover by Liam Payne (reviewed July 25, 2021)

“Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow”: I know it’s July, but I’m definitely listening to Mr. Payne’s version of “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow.” Don’t judge me! 2021 Ryn didn’t actually review this song. I suspect it was like many other pop music covers of classic Christmas songs, and so 2021 Ryn didn’t have much to comment on.

LP1 (Target Exclusive Version) by Liam Payne (reviewed July 25, 2021)

Just looking at the tracklist for LP1, I see lots of collabs, I see “Hips Don’t Lie” (consider my curiosity peaked), and I see another Christmas song.

“Midnight (with Alesso)”: 2021 Ryn didn’t review this song. 2023 Ryn is not currently willing to listen to it, though he reserves the right to change his mind!

“Stack It Up (feat. A Boogie Wit da Hoodie)”: “Stack It Up” is like if an 80s video game and a 2010s pop song were mashed together. I love that this is an “I work for the money” song. Def adding to my work playlist. Side note: I’ve never heard of this artist, but “A Boogie Wit da Hoodie” is an iconic name. Once again, 2021 Ryn was too kind. LP didn’t make it onto my work playlist. And, if I may say so myself, that playlist was awesome.

“Remember”: In “Remember,” there’s that rhyme between “changes” and “strangers” that I remember (see what I did there?) from Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson lyrics. Idk what that means, but there ya go. The lyrics are pretty generic, about not being able to forget a lost loved one and how everything is a reminder of that person. Catchy and would jam to it if it came on the radio. Subtext: I would only listen to it if it came on the radio.

“Heart Meet Break”: “Heart meet break, lips meet drink / Rock meet bottom, to the bottom I sink.” That hits hard, man. Especially when you consider the drinking problems some of the 1D boys had. Soundwise, though, it sounds pretty similar to the last song.

“Hips Don’t Lie”: Okay, I’m excited for “Hips Don’t Lie.” C’mon, Shakira Payne! Oh, bummer, no Shakira vibes. Same pop music beat and smooth vocals, though I can’t say I’m a fan of the chorus. Though I do think the lyric “I hope your hips don’t lie / Unless they’re lying with me” is pretty clever.

“Tell Your Friends”: The beginning of “Tell Your Friends” almost feels like an AJR song until it slips into LP’s radio pop vibe. Still makes me sad that celebs need to pen songs about fame messing with their relationships and how people view them. Also a cute “let’s fight for our relationship” song.

“Say It All”: Okay, okay, we’re starting off “Say It All” with a raspy “Yeah.” The lyrics have a percussive-keyboard background, and the chorus starts with piano and slow vocals before the beat drops. The bridge is a repetition of, “Sick and tired of these days and nights,” which is from a lyric that finishes with “when you just ain’t around,” but, like, I fuck with that bridge. Me too, man. Me too. So literally the only thing 2021 Ryn liked about this song was half of the lyrics of the bridge. Not promising…

“Rude Hours”: “Rude Hours” is 100 percent what you would expect from that title. Some double entendre, but mostly just right in your face. (“Check in at the Hard Rock Hotel, baby” is the funniest double entendre I’ve ever heard…) Not gonna lie, these lyrics are making me BLUSH.

“Live Forever (with Cheat Codes)”: Another collab! With Cheat Codes (who I’ve heard of; are they DJs? I think they’re DJs.). Alright, “Live Forever” is my favorite so far. Got some guitar with a plucky beat and the ANGST. I love the angst. It’s like a diluted pop punk.

“Weekend”: For song intros, Jason Derulo has “Jason Derulo,” and Liam Payne has “yeah.” Knowing about LP’s substance misuse issues makes the lyrics of “Weekend” so much more dismal. The chorus: “I come alive on the weekend / I might die on the weekend / Another line for my demons.” The atmosphere of the song fits perfectly with the theme—a sinister party vibe.

“Both Ways”: The beginning of “Both Ways” reminds me of “Beautiful Girls” by Sean Kingston for some reason. Okay, another song makin’ me blush. I know this song is about an adventurous sex life, but idk what “both ways” means because it seems like he’s describing more than two ways… Also, was it necessary to name drop a Bugatti Sport to make his point that she “switches lanes”?

OH. I just got it. I just got what “Both Ways” means. His partner is multisexual. Hmm… that gives me mixed feelings. There’s no shame in any expression of sexuality, but the way he writes about it could possibly perpetuate stereotypes about bi/pan/multisexual people. Knowing what I know now, I can almost guarantee that Liam Payne was exploiting those stereotypes for the song.

“Strip That Down (feat. Quavo)”: “Strip That Down” is the song that I know! I remember when this was popular. It’s got “I’m getting out of Disney” era Jesse McCartney vibes. And Genius lyrics just told me that the low-pitched “Strip that down, girl” in the chorus is Ed Sheeran; idk why that’s funny but it is. It’s just not a lyric I would associate with Mr. Rupert Grint Lookalike.

LP likes his cars. We’ve name-dropped a Ferrari now, specifically an “F1 type” with “six-gear speed.” The “yeah” and “oh” chant in the background is my favorite form of percussion on this entire album. Quavo makes a guest appearance that actually fits well in the song. 2023 Ryn has become more amenable to the random rap interlude in pop songs, potentially because of my interest in K-pop, which often mixes rap and pop. But cheers to Quavo for delivering a rap so good that even 2021 Ryn couldn’t imagine this song without it.

“For You (with Rita Ora)”: A very cinematic opening to “For You.” Fitting because this song is from a 50 Shades movie according to Spotify. Rita Ora steals the spotlight. Damn, those vocals. Now it sounds like Ora is emerging from underwater… and now some acoustic guitar. This song is very random.

“Familiar (with J. Balvin)”: “Familiar” has kind of a Caribbean or Latin pop music vibe. Oh, it’s because J. Balvin is here and singing in Spanish. This song is kinda fun! I remember not liking this song when it came out. It’s just the whole “famili-famili-famili-familiar” part that bothers my brain. (It’s also why I don’t like that one Maroon 5 song “Don’t Wanna Know.” But this song I like a bit better, actually.)

“Polaroid (with Jonas Blue & Lennon Stella)”: I know a lot of people don’t like the insta-love trope, but I actually don’t mind it (if it’s done with nuance), so I don’t hate that “Polaroid” is a two-sided insta-love story (with Lennon Stella being LP’s counterpoint). I think LP’s voice meshes better with Lennon Stella’s than Rita Ora’s. “Polaroid” has subtle island party vibes and I love the metaphor of pictures as memories.

“Get Low (with Zedd)”: “Get Low“—another song title from the 2010s. LP likes the word “faded.” Also, we got a really good heavy beat at the start, then it turned into snapping, and I’m kinda bummed. This is the most upbeat of the “sexy sexy I have sex” songs. “‘Sexy sexy I have sex’ songs?” Oh, 2021 Ryn, you are truly a treasure.

Two more thoughts: 1. Does “when the water come down, I’ma get in that” mean what I think it means? 2. The undertooowww! (Oh, Dory, why did you have to have an unfortunate voice actor?) Weird movie reference, 2021 Ryn.

“Bedroom Floor”: The “brr, brr” noise after talking about his iPhone ringing in “Bedroom Floor” made me laugh harder than it should have. Again, I don’t get the appeal of on/off relationship songs/stories (especially ones like this one where LP’s partner seems to be two-faced). BUT I do love the double meaning of “Don’t make me bring up your dirty laundry.” True mastery of the double entendre.

“All I Want (For Christmas)”: “All I Want (For Christmas)” is such a bittersweet song. It’s a gentle piano ballad about a failing relationship and the hope of a better future that holidays can sometimes bring. “Baby, all I want for Christmas / Is you and me to fix this.” 😭😭😭

“Hurting Me”: Okay, and after that adorable Christmas love song, I’m listening to “Hurting Me,” which is about a cheating partner. OH MY GOD THAT FALSETTO. THAT HARMONY. I’M MAD THIS ISN’T ON SPOTIFY. “’Cause you’re hurtin’ me / And that don’t work for me.” Chill with the all caps, 2021 Ryn. There are much better falsettos out there! Although, unfortunately, bigoted people can have talent. I believe Payne has a good singing voice, if nothing else.

“Before It Ends”: Is “Before It Ends” also gonna give me feels? Why are the best songs only on exclusive versions of albums? Yes, it’s another song about the impending end of a relationship, but the vocals and lyrics are so much better than the others on the CD.

“Down”: “Down” is now veering back toward the same vibes as the original tracklist. The vocals are okay. LP has a great falsetto. It’s got a little random dubstep/video-game-noises part to the chorus. I do like that the lyrics talk about consent (indirectly). Oh, 2021 Ryn, “indirect consent” is often a euphemism for “no consent.” Way to be positive, though.

“Trouble”: Whoa, the chorus to “Trouble” is different. Like an eerie choir with heavy bass. We’ve kinda got that menacing party vibe again. And lots of interesting uses of autotune. I just like the eerie vibe of the chorus.

“Nobody Else”: Here’s that Liam Payne “yeah” again! The pure poetry of the lyrics, with gems like this: “Your body’s so hella, yeah.” And some weird call and response type stuff is going on here. Seriously, the absolute lust in this song is next level. Loving the last pre-chorus’s use of pauses to build tension. Can’t say I’m a huge fan of how possessive the lyrics sound, though.

Final Thoughts: Generic pop music with some exceptional vocals. A few bops that will definitely be going on some of my playlists. These “bops” definitely did not go on my playlists. Sorry, 2021 Ryn! A lot of descriptive sexy sexy sex talk, but the lyrics are sometimes pretty clever. Kinda meh for me, but still fun jams! Can’t argue with that. Generic pop music can still be fun to listen to every now and then.

“Medicine” by Harry Styles (reviewed August 9, 2021)

“Medicine”: I totally didn’t mean to put on my Boy Band Music Critic hat today, but I *accidentally* clicked on a video of Harry Styles performing “Medicine” live and… um… wow. That was both impressive and hot. What a video to watch on a Monday night… 🤩

I still wanna “officially” listen to the other songs he plays or covers live, but, like, I couldn’t not share how cool this performance was. I don’t think I get starstruck easily, but this song… oof! 2023 Ryn is ready to admit that he does, in fact, get starstruck easily. I just have the ability to step back and appreciate the humanity behind the “stars” of my being “starstruck.” (And “Medicine” is still super hot. No shame.)

Conclusion

The only reason I tacked on that last Harry Styles review is because I didn’t want to dedicate an entire post to Liam Payne. I won’t go into what has already been documented, but he’s been pretty openly homophobic. (To be fair, he did recently release this video explaining his comments on Logan Paul’s podcast, which I won’t link here. He doesn’t really apologize, and I can’t tell if he’s sincere, but it doesn’t hurt to give him a second chance if you are willing. Addiction can make you do and say terrible things, and if he’s willing to own up to that, that’s great.) If he ends up releasing more music, I’ll decide then whether or not I’ll review it, but it’s only fair that you, dear reader, know that I have this in mind while regarding his music these days!

In future Boy Band Music Critic posts, I plan to do a bit more research on who wrote and produced songs, and maybe I’ll add a little about the performer themselves if I feel the need to do so.

The next BBMC post will be the rest of 2021 Ryn’s opinions. And then we move onto 2022 Ryn! Huzzah!

-Ryn PB